Iris Mista

I struggle, I search, I dig, I fight
for light and sweet delight
See and hear the endless flame
of my own deep burning pain
...

I am the one, extremely naive
Smothered down in eternal grief
Living streams of endless sorrow
Longing for a better tomorrow
...

Whenever a heart is bound to die
no matter the reason, don't ask why
whenever the heart did turn around
making that final splashing sound
...

In anger clenched fists
ropes around the wrists
After everything tried
still totally tied
...

Convulsions of the lifeless soul
almost unnoticed
behind the veils of dimmed shades
...

The battle within
Without words
Nowhere to go
...

So where are you, in this beauty land to be
hidden deep down in a restless salty sea
in the darkest of all murky places
to cover up all different decrepit faces
...

failure designed
falsehood planned
no goodbye
...

Why do you do this to me
what have I done to deserve this
I had a friend in you, you see
...

I lost the last of my wafer-thin trust
tasted the good of one friendship
to disappear in a single gust
...

And suddenly I see and realize
No way back, not ever a return
What I had is already gone
Dropping deep in lonely concern
...

It is so hard to live with the PTSD
For it smothers down all I could be
They say too, it is complex
And my reaction on it a reflex
...

Living, can anyone teach me?
for I sit here, having no idea
how life should be
...

I am a useless mother and a useless friend
A tree that gave into the storm and bent
Nobodies wife, for no one to be missed
Solely on the countries discharged value list
...

Tears, pensive, sad yet full of joy
Not hot, burning blisters across my heart
Not icy cold blades of hell to scar my soul
Just warm, loving trickles from where they start
...

In an abandoned space
One old and lonely ship
Blurred, without a face
tied-up to a rusty clip
...

When I left
I tried to look back
hoping you called my name
...

When I have love in my heart
Making my own pain subordinate
Breaking my ego bit by bit
I find peace so exceptional great
...

I cry a million tears
for no one to care and to see
in loneliness forever I'll be
...

I do not know how to live
With the everlasting fear
While asked trust to give
The end might be near
...