For I Am Gone.. Poem by Iris Mista

For I Am Gone..



It is so hard to live with the PTSD
For it smothers down all I could be
They say too, it is complex
And my reaction on it a reflex

Unbearable pain, losing time
All hours without any sunshine
Totally gone, I am no longer there
Crumbling the possibility to share

It is driving me nuts, totally insane
Confusion, memory not the same
Intensely struggling to stay aware
PTSD dementia, in nothingness I stare

It has been so cruelly hard
As bad as it was at the start
After more than a year PTSD
Still losing more and more of me

So, where is that one way out
For that is what my struggle is about
Until now, no pill to help me real
Burning flames are what I still feel

And then, dropping in deepest despair
Followed by depression, so unfair
Finally the extinguish of the fire
Till empty death is my only desire

Oh, how I wish I could explain
why I cannot be the same
I know, they miss who I was
And for them my PTSD is the loss

I can not change it and give back
All of me they need and lack
For I am what I am just now
Searching too, finding me somehow

Lord knows how lonely I feel
Without a way to really heal
And be what they want me to be
For I am gone, there is no me

March 12th,2014

Monday, April 7, 2014
Topic(s) of this poem: Depression
POET'S NOTES ABOUT THE POEM
Complex PTSD
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