Noreen Carden

Freshman - 1,236 Points (16/12/50 / Mayo)

Love Undone


Rosie walks down by the river bank flowers in her hair,
Stars in her eyes
She dreams of the day that will soon come to pass
A sweet secret she held in her heart

He told her he loved her that she would be his.
But a secret their love must remain.
Lest his father exile him to wed a princess
So that riches and land he might gain

Now Rosie lies out on the river bank
Her finger bears no wedding band
As she slipped neath the water she
Could still hear his words.
I must do as my father commands

As her family wept for the loss of her life
Her lover was sailing away to wed a princess
Of a far distant land his father s command to obey
But the fates had decreed he would never reach land
For his ship was sunk in a storm
As he slipped neath the water his tongue called her name,
His sweet Rosie held him in her arms

Submitted: Thursday, September 19, 2013
Edited: Monday, November 11, 2013

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Poet's Notes about The Poem

Just a little poem i wrote a long time ago

Comments about this poem (Love Undone by Noreen Carden )

  • Gold Star - 18,717 Points Chinedu Dike (10/31/2014 2:21:00 PM)

    A narrative romantic tragedy well articulated, and nicely written to capture the essence of the story. A case of tragedy in the bliss of love. It's a lovely poem. Thanks for sharing. Please read my poem MANDELA - THE IMMORTAL ICON. (Report) Reply

  • Silver Star - 8,980 Points Mr. Nobody (6/4/2014 6:57:00 PM)

    WOW! ! ! I love it, what a wet twist! (Report) Reply

  • Silver Star - 7,886 Points Daniel Brick (5/8/2014 12:34:00 PM)

    This the epitome of Romantic Love, which not only triumphs over death (that's a given in Western culture) but also over the compromises of ordinary life. The reunion of the lovers at the end (whether it is a dream or a reality is irrelevant - it's triumph of the spirit) is a satisfying dramatic closing. I re-read Keat's EVE OF ST. AGNES a couple of months ago - when my city was locked in a bitter winter just like the castle in the poem. Poems like Keats's and yours are so refreshing to the troubled human spirit. They celebrate what is best in us. (Report) Reply

  • Bronze Star - 5,555 Points Bri Edwards (4/5/2014 8:37:00 PM)

    this makes me feel like driving to the ocean and slipping neath the waters. i wonder who i hear calling my name. hmmm? how long ago, i wonder. thanks for sharing. there seemed to be a little rhyming going on, though it wasn't real obvious.
    of course, if he'd been a REAL man, like me, he would have run away with rosie; his father and his fortune be damned.............NOT!
    bri :) (Report) Reply

  • Bronze Star - 6,614 Points Amitava Sur (1/20/2014 3:59:00 AM)

    A very well written tragic love song, with a lovely ending... they met for ever.
    ...... truly a heart touching penning.

    Incidentally, today is my birth day, feeling very lonely, I dedicated this poem to my loved (An angel in the night) - you may read (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 55 Points John Brown (11/11/2013 7:32:00 AM)

    This poem reminds me of 'The Lady of Shalott' and I like it. You've missed out a word in the first line of the second verse though Noreen: 'she would be his'? (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 11 Points Andrew Blakemore (10/31/2013 9:01:00 AM)

    From sadness there comes joy, excellent work. (Report) Reply

  • Freshman - 1,115 Points Thomas A Robinson (10/2/2013 10:17:00 AM)

    Perhaps one should learn that when love calls it best to lose a partial than the all. (Report) Reply

  • Veteran Poet - 2,812 Points Patricia Grantham (9/29/2013 10:36:00 PM)

    Beautifully written and very touching. A sad poem that turned
    tragedy into happiness. Lovers met again forever. I have a poem
    If We Ever Meet Again. Please stop by when you get a chance. I
    really do appreciate your comments on my poems. Regards. (Report) Reply

  • Silver Star - 9,695 Points Heather Wilkins (9/25/2013 11:37:00 AM)

    a great ending to the poem. enjoyed (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 123 Points marvin brato (9/24/2013 10:58:00 PM)

    Quite a love story, very emotional.Liked it! (Report) Reply

  • Bronze Star - 6,058 Points Khairul Ahsan (9/23/2013 11:09:00 AM)

    I am tempted to repeat David Wood's appropriate comment: Poetic justice served well! (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 35 Points Lucifera Santez (9/22/2013 12:25:00 PM)

    a tragedy written with such beautiful words.
    amazing.
    please read some of my poems and comment.
    :) (Report) Reply

  • Gold Star - 17,104 Points Valsa George (9/22/2013 5:03:00 AM)

    A sad tale poignantly narrated! The course of true love never runs smooth! ! (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 267 Points David Wood (9/21/2013 4:57:00 AM)

    Poetic justice served well. A lovely story. (Report) Reply

  • Veteran Poet - 2,729 Points Lorraine Colon (9/20/2013 4:32:00 PM)

    Great story. Very entertaining. I liked the ending. (Report) Reply

  • Veteran Poet - 4,039 Points Hazel Durham (9/20/2013 10:59:00 AM)

    A wonderful write with a great story so beautifully written! (Report) Reply

  • Freshman - 2,405 Points Dave Walker (9/20/2013 6:16:00 AM)

    A wonderful poem, a great ending. (Report) Reply

  • Silver Star - 9,695 Points Heather Wilkins (9/19/2013 5:43:00 PM)

    a good read, enjoyed (Report) Reply

  • Freshman - 1,016 Points Unwritten Soul (9/19/2013 1:03:00 PM)

    Oh poignant....it such cruel feeling then comes the sweet write...loved it_Soul (Report) Reply

Read all 20 comments »

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