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adheez van der beanthz

Rookie - 34 Points (27 May 1980)

Brotherhood Don't Come from Blood, but Love


That's true..
we grew up together
one father, also one mother
even one blood tree
at least in pedigree

I will not to deny it
not even the slightest

but..
is that strong enough?
enough to overcome differences that hamper?
such a grandeur?
or will it end like peanut shells, sir?

I don't want to know the answer
never..! ! !

because indeed..
we can't work together
never relent each other
also defend like brother

then..
with what we will survive?
with message and advice?
oh come on..! ! !
it's just a hoax

to be honest..
thin threads as red as blood
how long you can survive
without love and trust
in a fragile life
that's full of lies?

herocity,240512

Submitted: Friday, June 14, 2013
Edited: Friday, March 28, 2014

Topic of this poem: life


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  • Veteran Poet - 3,857 Points Bri Edwards (3/27/2014 12:37:00 PM)

    I will not to deny it ............ i applaud you for translating your poem. drop the to from this line. :)
    - - - - - - - - - - -
    enough to hold the difference that hamper?
    such a grandeur?
    or will end like peanut shells, sir?

    ........i will give my OPINION on these lines as well, especially since, in your bio, you welcome suggestions.

    MY SUGGESTIONS:

    enough to OVERCOME the differenceS that hamper?
    such a grandeur?
    or will IT end like peanut shells, sir? .......i like the use of peanut shells. very nice.
    - - - - - - -

    from online:
    re·lent
    ri'lent/
    verb
    verb: relent; 3rd person present: relents; past tense: relented; past participle: relented; gerund or present participle: relenting

    1.
    abandon or mitigate a harsh intention or cruel treatment.
    she was going to refuse his request, but relented
    synonyms: change one's mind, backpedal, do a U-turn, back down, give way/in, capitulate; More
    become merciful, become lenient, agree to something, allow something, concede something;
    formal accede
    the government finally relented
    (esp. of bad weather) become less severe or intense.
    by evening the rain relented
    synonyms: ease off/up, slacken, let up, abate, drop, die down, lessen, decrease, subside, weaken More
    the rain has relented

    Origin
    late Middle English (in the sense ‘dissolve, melt’) : based on Latin re- ‘back’ + lentare ‘to bend’ (from lentus ‘flexible’) .

    ADHEEZ, in the following lines, i don't like the use of relent. do you mean you brothers can't stop annoying one another? ? and in the third line, do you mean you don't, won't, and/or can't defend each other (emotionally?) ?

    because indeed..
    we can't work together
    never relent each other
    also defend like brother

    - - - - - - - - -
    HERE i'll put my suggestions in brackets [].

    then..with what [WILL] we survive?
    with message and advice?
    oh come on..! ! ! [i like this! ]
    it [IT'S] just a hoax
    - - - - - - - - -

    i agree that the last stanza is VERY NICE in its expression of the whole poem in just a few lines, as readers David and Kelvin imply in their comments.


    to be honest..
    thinner [ THIN? ] threads as red as blood
    how long you can survive? [maybe move the question mark to the end of the stanza? ]
    without love and trust
    in a fragile life
    that [THAT'S or THAT IS] full of lies .........well, hopefully your life is not FULL of lies! ! ! thanks for sharing. bri :)

    YOU ARE the poet. i just offer suggestions. i think i shall send this to MyPoemList. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 149 Points Queeny Gona (8/20/2013 11:58:00 PM)

    You may read one of my poems titled Brotherhood that falls on the similar lines. You may add your valuable comments, suggestions. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 149 Points Queeny Gona (8/20/2013 11:54:00 PM)

    No relation can sustain without trust and love, be it be a blood relation or friendship!
    The concept of joint family lost its prominence due to lack of love and trust among the family members. Great in thought and write. (Report) Reply

  • Gold Star - 12,300 Points Valsa George (8/7/2013 1:29:00 AM)

    Though often blood is thicker than water, unless built on the strong foundations of trust and love, no relationship will stay and thrive! A very powerful write! ! (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Jemima Rivas (8/5/2013 5:43:00 PM)

    So true, how long you can survive without love and trust... i especially like the last part although i have never felt that way you actually bring the feeling.... marvelously put down! (Report) Reply

  • Veteran Poet - 3,470 Points Savita Tyagi (7/28/2013 6:05:00 PM)

    Great write. Blood threads need a wrapping of love and trust. No family bond can survive with out it. (Report) Reply

  • Veteran Poet - 3,470 Points Savita Tyagi (7/28/2013 5:54:00 PM)

    A fine write. Yes threads of blood become strong only with love and trust and a family must have it to be a family in true sense and pass it on to an individual to create a new family. (Report) Reply

  • Freshman - 2,244 Points Patricia Grantham (7/25/2013 9:12:00 AM)

    I agree with you on this one. Our family ties goes beyond our immediate
    family of mother, father, sisters or brothers. We have to unite with others
    to really become the true family that all are meant to be. We should all be
    our brothers keeper and help ye one another to survive. Very inspiring! (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 781 Points Thomas A Robinson (7/25/2013 3:46:00 AM)

    Very good Adheez,
    Coming from a family where blood is thinner than water and cold as ice I can see first hand what you mean. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 88 Points Payal Parande (7/14/2013 11:15:00 AM)

    We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.
    a provoking piece, thank you for sharing sir (Report) Reply

  • Freshman - 2,293 Points Pranab K Chakraborty (6/28/2013 12:26:00 AM)

    The problem illustrated nicely. But some problems go with us even to the graveyard, yet life flows with a discontinue wave and it is the law of life. Man creates or imposes love even to the stones for necessary. So if anyone suffer, have to dig somewhere else. (Report) Reply

  • Freshman - 1,391 Points Kevin Patrick (6/16/2013 3:11:00 PM)

    Moving piece if also somewhat terribly sad, kingship has always been about common values of heritage, and if that heritage is shattered it can be difficult, but I like what you seem to be suggesting that the stronger kingship is one where everyone is brothers. The last line seems bleak but also uplifting. (Report) Reply

  • Freshman - 1,076 Points Vera Sidhwa (6/15/2013 3:53:00 PM)

    Yes, brotherhood can't be taken for granted. It comes from sincere love. Beautiful poem. Vera Sidhwa (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 12 Points Farah Ilyas (6/15/2013 11:01:00 AM)

    yeah agree, how one can live without love & trutst? these r more valuable than blood relations...lovely poem (Report) Reply

Read all 19 comments »

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