adheez van der beanthz

Rookie - 43 Points (27 May 1980)

Dance of The Rain


Stages of skies open
Its curtains is hope that be woven
Sown by the wind spirits
In the blessing of white expanses
When the skies metamorphosed to be gray
Lightning’s timpani reverberating
The eyes of thunder play
A silver silhouette that stunning
Sun on throne of it
Watched from a distance
Calm and authoritative
Give a sign to begin the event
A dance will be presented
Where the hope will be harvested
In the form of rain
Remove solitude and pain
The fairies play rhythm
About the beautiful songs of autumn
Water arrows race toward to the Earth
Like a mating dance of the paradise birds
Those arrows go down so swift
My body is wringing wet
Dust and dirt leave
Left a smile in my faith

Earthzcity,160813

Submitted: Thursday, August 15, 2013
Edited: Friday, August 16, 2013

Form:


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Comments about this poem (Dance of The Rain by adheez van der beanthz )

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  • Rookie Len Webster (1/18/2014 7:22:00 AM)

    This is potentially a first-rate poem but it does need some careful revision. For example, Line 2: Its curtains is hope that be woven.. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Len Webster (1/18/2014 7:20:00 AM)

    This is potentially a first-rate poem but it needs some careful adjustment. For example, Line 2: Its curtains is hope...? ? ? (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 4 Points Msforever Lonley (12/9/2013 9:42:00 AM)

    i love the part about... the faries play rhythm about the beautiful songs of autumn. very inspiring i loved it (Report) Reply

  • Freshman - 1,238 Points Susan Lacovara (12/8/2013 4:35:00 PM)

    Refreshingly beautiful write...I could feel the lightness of the rain within your words. I especially like, Water arrows race towards the Earth... I was happy to be caught in the downpour of your lovely poem. I invite you to explore my poetry, as well. PEACE (Report) Reply

  • Freshman - 1,801 Points Vera Sidhwa (9/21/2013 1:51:00 PM)

    That's wonderful when you say calm and authorative, and the imagery in your poem is awesome.
    Your get a ten out of ten. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 777 Points Antonio Liao (9/10/2013 9:29:00 PM)

    cool and gentle wish of the rain kick out your lines to remember forever, , , , God bless a 10/10 (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Len Webster (8/28/2013 3:40:00 PM)

    Interesting piece of work with some original turns of phrase. (Might be worth your looking at it again in a few months' time to see if there are two or three things you still want to retain.) (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 362 Points Louis Borgo (8/24/2013 6:36:00 PM)

    99% of the time a good title will draw a audience and the line In the blessing of white expanses
    When the skies metamorphosed to be gray Lightning’s timpani reverberating The eyes of thunder play left a lasting impression. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 0 Points Aswath Raman (8/19/2013 6:33:00 AM)

    Wow Wow WoW! ! ! What wirite my friend! I really loved the way you have expressed. No twists, no turns and only beauty! (Report) Reply

Read all 23 comments »

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