Nur Meiyati

Nur Meiyati Poems

I was only fifteen when I had a boyfriend for the first time
He was three years older than me
I was not the only one at may age, in fact, who had a boyfriend
Although we knew well that there should never be such a relationship
...

Maybe you're curious
If I have no religions
So who is my Lord?
Because in your mind one can only be good and have morality
...

I wanted to see your house so I told you
I wanted to know any parts of your house where you stayed in
When we arrived there the house was empty
You had 'evacuated' all the house staff
...

I never become a man
You never become a woman
I never become you
You never become me
...

You said you loved me and understood me
More than I understood myself
But you had put me in a situation
That I had to beg you
...

I had a bad habit
I could fall to sleep anywhere
As long as there was a space to lay my head on
It could be at the table while I was writing or computing
...

Who am I?
“I” is my name.
My name is my identity.
An identity distinguishes one individual from other people.
...

Don't worry
I told myself as if I was talking to you
I will not leak our secret relationship
Your position is safe
...

How difficult the choice was
I would not stand seeing my mom sad
To know that I would become a mother
Without being able to mention the father
...

You want me to believe in you
But you do not do anything
To cast my doubt off my mind
Doesn't it mean
...

I used to be a curious girl and I am still today.
My curiosity took me to join a dating site where I was invited by a friend of mine.
I uploaded three photos that I thought the best of me.
A man greeted me with his first hello.
...

I am the queen
I am the queen for my mind: an absolute freedom.
No one can stop me to think and to express freely.
...

I once had a question in my old schooldays
But never got an answer, as I never knew to whom I should have asked
...

We were walking along the riverbank
Then we arrived at the beach
It was so quiet
I will teach you how to scuba dive, he said
...

You have been staying in a hospital
It hurts me
As there's nothing I can do for you
No access for the news about you
...

How can I pretend to have no love and compassion
If there is no hatred in my heart
How can I pretend not to want to mingle with you
If in my heart, there's no problem with you
...

Morning
I inhaled the fresh morning air
In my parents' house
Where I spent my childhood
...

When I was a child I was asked
What is your dream to be?
Confused I answered that I had a lot dreams when I slept
But I soon forgot when I got up
...

You and they don't have to steal
I give it all to you and to them
For free
As I am not rich
...

Hey you
They create aliens for you
Then you yourselves create aliens for you
Uncounsciously you think of something bigger than you, something more powerful than you: the unknown and the untouchable
...

The Best Poem Of Nur Meiyati

My Forever Secret

I was only fifteen when I had a boyfriend for the first time
He was three years older than me
I was not the only one at may age, in fact, who had a boyfriend
Although we knew well that there should never be such a relationship
As it is not allowed by my religion
At first we just chatted or sent short messages via our hand phones
Although we lived in the same town
Then we dared to meet
It was all the first time for us
To know that it was so nice being so close
Our heart was beating very fast
Oh, it was so sensational to touch each other
Never knew before that we could enjoy any parts of our body
Mine for him and his for me
A feeling that is indescribable
It was something between heavenly and fear
But, each part of the woman body is sacred, I was told
No one is allowed to see them except my face and my hands
All are only for husband within a sacred marriage
And what is called a fornication, or an adultery or a zina is a major sin
But, alas, we could not resist the magical magnetic desire for each other
And we did it
Then we regretted
I felt so so dirty and sinful
Madly I washed my body with soap of water
Not only once or twice
Many times, again and again
But I felt it was still dirty
I heard the God verse through my ears
'If the woman and the man guilty of adultery or fornication,
Flog each of them with a hundred stripes
Let not compassion move you in their case, in a matter prescribed by Allah.'
I heard the voice over and over

Things were not the same again since I committed it
People would look down on me
I was once told that guys or men know
Whether or not a girl is still virgin
But what I feared most was God
It was no use that I wore a hijab
I am hypocrite...munafik
I am not a sweet girl anymore
I am dirty, I am sinful, I am rubbish
I told myself
It was hard for me to hide myself from my feeling of guilty
For weeks I could not laugh, I could not sleep well, I could hardly eat
My teachers visited me and gave me a lot of advices
But they just did not know what had happened to me
My ustad preached me about sins and virtue deeds
But the preaching could not console me as he did not know what exactly was in my mind
He even made me more guilty
My parents were sad for me but they did not know either
It's good however that my parents are of simple minds
They just dropped their tears but did not cry or scream
When my body was brought to the graveyard
Just like all other people in my society
They accept birth, marriage, and death simply as a destiny
And forever my guilt would remain in shrouded secrecy

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