Nur Meiyati

I was only fifteen when I had a boyfriend for the first time
He was three years older than me
I was not the only one at may age, in fact, who had a boyfriend
Although we knew well that there should never be such a relationship
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Maybe you're curious
If I have no religions
So who is my Lord?
Because in your mind one can only be good and have morality
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I wanted to see your house so I told you
I wanted to know any parts of your house where you stayed in
When we arrived there the house was empty
You had 'evacuated' all the house staff
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I never become a man
You never become a woman
I never become you
You never become me
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You said you loved me and understood me
More than I understood myself
But you had put me in a situation
That I had to beg you
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I had a bad habit
I could fall to sleep anywhere
As long as there was a space to lay my head on
It could be at the table while I was writing or computing
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Who am I?
“I” is my name.
My name is my identity.
An identity distinguishes one individual from other people.
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Don't worry
I told myself as if I was talking to you
I will not leak our secret relationship
Your position is safe
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How difficult the choice was
I would not stand seeing my mom sad
To know that I would become a mother
Without being able to mention the father
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You want me to believe in you
But you do not do anything
To cast my doubt off my mind
Doesn't it mean
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I used to be a curious girl and I am still today.
My curiosity took me to join a dating site where I was invited by a friend of mine.
I uploaded three photos that I thought the best of me.
A man greeted me with his first hello.
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I am the queen
I am the queen for my mind: an absolute freedom.
No one can stop me to think and to express freely.
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I once had a question in my old schooldays
But never got an answer, as I never knew to whom I should have asked
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We were walking along the riverbank
Then we arrived at the beach
It was so quiet
I will teach you how to scuba dive, he said
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You have been staying in a hospital
It hurts me
As there's nothing I can do for you
No access for the news about you
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How can I pretend to have no love and compassion
If there is no hatred in my heart
How can I pretend not to want to mingle with you
If in my heart, there's no problem with you
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Morning
I inhaled the fresh morning air
In my parents' house
Where I spent my childhood
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When I was a child I was asked
What is your dream to be?
Confused I answered that I had a lot dreams when I slept
But I soon forgot when I got up
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You and they don't have to steal
I give it all to you and to them
For free
As I am not rich
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Hey you
They create aliens for you
Then you yourselves create aliens for you
Uncounsciously you think of something bigger than you, something more powerful than you: the unknown and the untouchable
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