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Nur Meiyati


I Am the Queen of Myself


I am the queen
I am the queen for my mind: an absolute freedom.
No one can stop me to think and to express freely.


It requires a long way for me to be able to write like that
Since childhood I read a lot
From my elementary school to university I often ranked
But apparently from what a lot of books I read there was not of much help in dealing with the real life
And the lessons I got at schools were not of much help, either

Then I read books about collectivism, fatalism, individualism and capitalism
That I liked to compare with the value I get from my education and society
I am lucky that I CAN READ ENGLISH and I'm grateful that I can operate computer and have AN INTERNET CONNECTION
This has made it easier for me to access USEFUL information to be developed as my knowledge

At my age, I found myself that I had wasted so many years due to my religious teachings
The teachings which lulled my brain to sleep
Yes, sometimes, a person can not realize who he is until he is seen with the eyes of other people outside
That also applies to a society or a nation
When I see the majority of people in my country, it is like I am looking at myself... a long time ago
Everything is in the uniformity of thinking
When people now see me as someone who 'gets lost'
I can feel relieved: that moment has passed
When most people are proud to have provision of rules and 'guidance' that govern every deeds completely and in details
I can say solemnly: Thanks God, it's over now

I am so happy to become a truly free person
Free from having to think like others in a uniformity
Free from the fear of many kinds of crazy 'sins'
Free from the fear of thinking freely
Now I feel, it's terrible when people are not free to think
It is like a caterpillar whose all hair is pulled out from its body
Just like a tiger deprived of its fangs.
I am happy that now I can see God in a different perspective

I am the queen of myself
Customs, traditions, culture, education, and religion
I choose and I command to make me happy and to make me feel right

I believe the welfare of individuals should never be sacrificed for the sake of custom, culture, and religion
It should be the opposite
I do not want to be like what most people of my country believe today
They serve to the defense for their religion and culture
The common prayer that they use to welcome a new baby is:
May he/ she be useful for the homeland, nation, and religion

Why not the other way round?
It is the religion (if any) that should contribute to their welfare

Many people think that to have an identity
A person has to declare what religion, and what culture he/ she embraces
For most people, following a certain religion means declaring the consequences
That they have to follow a set of rules or doctrines
It implies that if you declare you are an adherent of a certain religion
You should obey all the rules, if you deny it you do not belong to that religion
You have to accept all the teaching without reserve
That's the basic thing that blocks the stream of thinking

Also, I have often heard the bureaucrats (which reflects the collective point of view) give 'directions'
You can study abroad anywhere but do not forget your own culture
You can mingle with the outside community in this global era, but 'think globally and act locally”
That might explain why high educated people from a country that have experienced to study abroad return with information, but not the knowledge that can only be processed by themselves
When they returned they are just the same as before
Nothing has changed
Except that they have made their advancement in their career and make more money from the government
Why?
Because their characters were left in the country where they study, not carried home
They brought home information but not knowledge and new insight and characters
It's like you think that A is true
But because you have to adjust to the teaching of your religion and culture, and other doctrines
You would rather choose B
No matter A would bring more goodness and prosperity in your life and your environment
This worldview is implanted through religious teaching in schools and through what is called 'nationalism' which I know now, is 'misleading' and it is a lie

Therefore, I do not want to have a collective identity of religion, culture, and ethnic group
I'd rather be an individual.
So I myself do not require that I should be the same or different from the teachings of a religion or a culture, or a tradition.
I chose to become an individual who has the freedom to think, in any case: the absolute freedom of thought.
The morality that I follow is a morality as I understand I think and I feel
No matter where it comes from.

Submitted: Thursday, December 05, 2013
Edited: Thursday, December 05, 2013

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