Valerie Dohren

Silver Star - 3,175 Points (13 January 1947 / Southport)

Becoming


It was dark,
I was immersed in a fluid world,
so small within its depths.

Beyond the boundary, muffled sounds
soft and tender, could be heard.
Sighs, laughter, and I longed to see from where they came,
yearning for sight to penetrate opaque lids.

But all that could be seen were shadows -

shadows,
like phantoms drifting through a sea of calm.

In the distance could be heard a hypnotic tick tick tick,
marking time it seemed -

my time, here, within.

But what of time:
was there a beginning, or an end?

Suspended in peaceful unknowing,
I was rocked, by the gentle sway of my world,
into a silent slumber.

All was well in this universe,
where quiet waves licked against unseen shores.

But there was a storm unfolding.

A turbulence began to envelop me;
I was surrounded with its torment
- undulating, seizing, pushing -
and I felt the first pangs of fear
pulsating through my being.

Then, bewildered and disgruntled,
I emerged from the darkness,
kicking and screaming

into the light.

Submitted: Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Edited: Tuesday, September 10, 2013

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Comments about this poem (Becoming by Valerie Dohren )

  • Freshman - 546 Points Dimitri Jagodinski (4/14/2014 5:52:00 PM)

    Excellent poem. Well written with great detail. Enjoyed. (Report) Reply

  • Veteran Poet - 1,489 Points Howard 'the motivational poet' Simon (2/26/2014 1:17:00 PM)

    The gift of life is here portrayed with insight and realism! (Report) Reply

  • Gold Star - 9,723 Points Heather Wilkins (6/19/2013 11:12:00 AM)

    nice entrance into the light. well written piece of poetry (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 347 Points Danny Draper (6/12/2013 9:12:00 AM)

    Oh to be born, our rare and solemn gift of life and its most unlikely occurrence, beautifully portrayed. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 117 Points Benjamin Michael Clark (6/7/2013 10:09:00 AM)

    This is powerful. The words sort of fell off the page for me, nice flow. I especially enjoy the ending. (Report) Reply

  • Gold Star - 7,369 Points Lyn Paul (6/1/2013 11:33:00 AM)

    Very Clever Val, you show many different styles of writing. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 12 Points Farah Ilyas (5/28/2013 12:36:00 PM)

    Beyond the boundary, muffled sounds
    soft and tender, could be heard.
    Sighs, laughter, and I longed to see from where they came,
    yearning for sight to penetrate opaque lids...

    wao love to read these lines, searching the way from darkness to light..great one (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Owain Glyn (5/26/2013 1:48:00 PM)

    There is true beauty in this piece, a new life, a new dawn. (Report) Reply

  • Gold Star - 7,515 Points Neela Nath (5/25/2013 8:08:00 PM)

    Wonderful Val.Love this style of write! (Report) Reply

  • Freshman - 655 Points Paul Brookes (5/25/2013 1:34:00 PM)

    Birth the first ultimate test like deaths the last. A really good description of ones entry into the world, well done 10/10 BB : O) (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Kevin Halls (5/23/2013 9:03:00 AM)

    Like a previous poem of yours Val I had to go back over it again, and then I got the Eureka moment!
    I like your new style of writing on this poem and it has made it more intriguing too.
    Nice one. (Report) Reply

  • Silver Star - 3,398 Points Diane Hine (5/23/2013 8:22:00 AM)

    Birth is a rude awakening - no wonder we're upset. Your free verse is wonderful Val. (Report) Reply

  • Veteran Poet - 1,993 Points S.zaynub Kamoonpuri (5/23/2013 4:55:00 AM)

    I was engrossd in dis absorbing poem very sublimely crafted in an emotive way like waking frm a dreamlike phase. (Report) Reply

  • Gold Star - 18,935 Points Valsa George (5/23/2013 12:10:00 AM)

    Something quite different from your usual vein, but replete with punching emotions! Some lines leave a special mark
    like - -
    All was well in this universe,
    where quiet waves licked against unseen shores
    In this context I invite you to read my poem- The Great Escape, almost similar in theme though different in treatment! The first poem I ever wrote (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 208 Points R.j. Wynn (5/22/2013 8:11:00 AM)

    Ahso, Kicking and screaming,10/4 (Report) Reply

  • Gold Star - 39,733 Points Aftab Alam Khursheed (5/21/2013 9:01:00 PM)

    fist stanza about being in womb (It was dark, I was immersed in a fluid world, so small within its depths) as relatives and parents wait baby moves and kicks and finally into the light / here a great message in simple way life it self find the way from darkness to light /please come from darkness to light / lovely poem Valerie deserve 10 (Report) Reply

  • Silver Star - 3,636 Points Dave Walker (5/21/2013 1:39:00 PM)

    A really fantastic poem, a great build up to a fantastic ending. (Report) Reply

  • Freshman - 694 Points Shahzia Batool (5/21/2013 11:23:00 AM)

    A finest construction for the prcision and depth of images in the strong feminist context! (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 336 Points David Wood (5/21/2013 10:50:00 AM)

    The tranquil beauty of floating in a huge ocean and then the pangs of birth. Another lovely poem Val. (Report) Reply

  • Gold Star - 5,683 Points Tirupathi Chandrupatla (5/21/2013 9:36:00 AM)

    Storm unfolding...
    Things happen all of a sudden. Imagination or reality!
    Nice poem. (Report) Reply

Read all 22 comments »

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