I Asked My Mom Poem by Carmella Stajanca

When I was a young girl I spent my nights sleeping on a hard wooden floor in my brothers room. Some of those nights I could hardly sleep at all. Who could blame me though? It was painful but I accepted it. I saw it as a normality... Not a dysfunctionality. There was no way I could refuse it since I had no other options. However I did sometimes imagine what it might be like to have a better life. I can recall laying with my mother on the floor late one night and I asked her 'mommy am I gonna be sleeping on the floor forever? ' she smirked at me as if the answer were obvious.. Then said no. Mommy was right though. Soon I found myself sleeping on a pool table in my grandmas basement. And after the pool table it was an old couch that poked me with its springs. If it wasn't the couch... It was the backseat of a car. Some nights I never knew what to expect. The cement ground of a driveway would have been comfortable enough for me. My back became numb to hard surfaces. Sleeping over a friends house was not only fun for me, it was a prayer answered. The mattress her parents supplied for us was like floating on a cloud. It felt as if I were in heaven. In a way, I felt a sense of relief but also guilt. I did not know if I deserved to sleep comfortably. For that one night I tasted a sample of living normal. Ironically, that one night made me realize that I wasn't living normal. When I asked my mom if I would sleep on a floor forever, her answer should of been 'no, but it will still feel like it'.

(Oct.20th,2008)