Kiki Marie

i'm confined as a prisoner in my own head.
Forced to listen to these reoccuring thoughts.
Repeating over and over that i'm worthless.
Reminding me of how much of a screw up i really am.
...

I put the knife to my skin,
Pressing hard enough for the bleeding to begin.
I watch the blood splash to the floor,
While making sure noone comes in the door.
...

I'm feeling so bruised and broken.
Like I'm capable of breaking into a million pieces.
There are too many things hiding under the smiles.
I'm alone fighting this internal war...AND I'M LOSING.
...

Do unspoken words speak the loudest,
or do people just simply look it over?
Sitting alone, suffering in silence.
Sorrow - which is never spoken- is the heaviest load to bear.
...

...

i'm t.i.r.e.d.
t.i.r.e.d. of being [f][a][t].
t.i.r.e.d. of being [s][t][u][p][i][d].
t.i.r.e.d. of being [u][g][l][y].
...

I'm locked up in silence
&& looking for the key
to unlock all the secrets
so i can finally be set free.
...

She uses her knife where no one can see,
But she only told this action to me.
She says it's the only way to get frustrations out.
&& her existance is what she's begining to doubt.
...

Her body is like a road map.
Lines going in every direction.
Faded lines. New lines. Lots of lines.
Some deeper than others.
...

I hate myself from the inside out.
If only I could be someone else.
My self-hatred gets the best of me.
and these scars will be here for someone to see.
...

Didn't you notice the hurt you set on me?
Staying mad at you didn't help.
I was so angry for what you did.
I can't forgive you, it's not how it works.
...

You let me go like it was no big deal,
Disreguarding how I would feel.
I try so hard not to let it get to me.
But you don't care, i can see.
...

She doesn't know how much more she can take.
Or how many smiles and laughs she can fake.
Pretending she's happy takes a lot of energy.
She goes through her day morosely.
...

I thought that I could live without you.
But I was wrong.
I thought that not talking to you would be easy.
But i was wrong about that too.
...

My heart is searching for fulfullment.
&& so far i've only found it with you.
But something's telling me to run away.
Even though that's not what i want to do.
...

Have you ever...
Felt alone in a crowded room...
Felt depressed while wearing a smile...
...

That subtle rend of anxious skin.
That gentle pulse of crimson.
Just enough to silence the demons.
&& enough to make my head spin.
...

Feeling lonely and displace, yet secure within the silence.
Dropping down into a pit of dispair.
This pills is taking me somewhere.
Only half way.
...

I'm sitting in silence all alone.
Sorrow has already taken ahold.
Grabbing the knife and gripping it tight.
I'm not going to win this fight.
...

cut so i feel alive.
cut.out.pain.
puke to be skinny.
puke.out.fat.
...