Why? Poem by Jennifer Gordon

Why?
That's my question. Why? Why am I still in pain? I care for you, yes that hasn't changed but the type of care that I have for you is different/
I wouldn't take you into my life the same way.
I couldn't.
I wouldn't
I shouldn't?
I just want us to be the same happy? Fun? simply just talking would suffice.
I don't know how I am supposed to be.
I don't really want any suggstions.
I just want to know.
But being how I am.
Feeling how I feel is alright, good because I am simply being me.
I feel I am lying to myself sometimes.
Like I am hiding a secret,
and as much as a psycho anaylze myself I can't get over it.