To Feel Nothing Poem by Vasto Grom

I have begun down the path once more of apathy. I have grown tired of this world and how it always seems to let me down. And I find that rather than killing myself I will just kill the thing that makes me human. And before you judge me know that I have already spent several years in a complete state of apathy once before and honestly feeling nothing at all was when I was most content. To not have to worry about what people thought of me or if the woman I loved with all my heart cared for me. To feel nothing at all allowed me to reach my full potential, I was doing work that should've been done by those 2 grades higher than me. And for reaching my true potential what did I have to give up? Nothing that doesn't cause me pain and misery now. Happiness: rarely feel it. Love: no one ever returns my feelings. Wanting: can never get what I really desire. Anger/pain/misery: I feel them 90% of the time each and everyday. So what am I truly missing out on if I don't feel anything? The human experience? The love and warming feelings from close friends and family? I hate being human and I have lost all my friends and haven't felt like part of my family in over a decade. The woman I adore will never return my feelings and life over all just either bores me or is filled with nothing but agonizing misery. Maybe along the way I'll find happiness that isn't fleeting but until then I will continue my training and try with all my might to kill off my emotions and rid myself of this worthless humanity.