Beach Girl


Opinions


Opinions

It’s all been said, hasn’t it?

Then why am I compelled?

Grabbed pen and then, with a click

Wrote verse my heart’s withheld


I think the moon was laughing

As she heard my lame refrains

She hid her face for a while

Clouds covering her distain


She said my verse were lousy

That poems don’t need to rhyme

My imagery was childlike

She thinks I should resign


It broke my heart to hear her

Reject my best attempts

Slammed down my pen and notebook

Upset by her comments


I Said:


Oh moon, you are quite lovely

The queen of Earth’s dark nights

The stars all bow before you

An army dressed in white


But soon you’ll lose your glory

A new light will have won

Next time I want opinions

I think I’ll ask the Sun

Submitted: Monday, September 02, 2013
Edited: Tuesday, September 03, 2013

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  • Rookie - 63 Points Stephen Loomes (9/20/2013 4:40:00 PM)

    I like your poems and there is nothing wrong with rhyming; the rhymes put music to the words and this goes back to period say in England before the Romans when bards roamed from town to town to pass on news. It took years of apprenticeship to be a bard and one had to learn the way to rhyme before you could make your own poems. These bards were traditionally called scops. When the Romans arrived in England (where they remained for over 400 years) they brought structured written verse, usually the lines were iambic pentameter. That is five soft, and five hard accents in each line, usually with a rhyming sound at each end. Thus the written poem arose, but the music is still needed and there are some who continue the bardic tradition like Eminem, even though he might not know it, or think he's a poet. So there you go; keep up the poems and the rhyming. (Report) Reply

  • Freshman - 1,318 Points Patricia Grantham (9/19/2013 8:37:00 AM)

    I enjoyed this very refreshing write on the moon and
    the sun. I do believe that the moon has some kind of influence
    on the mind, so has the sun. You can't look at any of them for
    a long period of time. Both are equally important to our existence
    on earth. You wrote this very well. Regards. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 234 Points Shahzia Batool (9/7/2013 8:27:00 PM)

    i wont agree if the moon forms that opinion, as now i have read your poetry myself...certainly, if given a chance to say something, the moon wont dare to challenge the platform of her praises! ! ! (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 64 Points Marcus Mckinley (9/5/2013 10:46:00 AM)

    the moon has a partial prosaic view being rather plain in its own image. the sun on the other hand is mysterious in its grandeur and casting a comprehensive view upon the universe. nicely written (Report) Reply

  • Veteran Poet - 2,932 Points Khairul Ahsan (9/2/2013 9:55:00 PM)

    Quarrel between two beauties!
    However, your poems are pretty alright. Don't need to ask either the sun or the moon. (Report) Reply

  • Gold Star - 12,222 Points Gajanan Mishra (9/2/2013 9:38:00 PM)

    ask the sun, The sun knows everything. good write.
    I invite you to read my poems and comment. (Report) Reply

Read all 6 comments »

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