One Last Time. Poem by Ace Of Black Hearts

Sweet grace.
Saving face.
Still counting the mistakes.
Still writing down every single second just to get you off my mind.
Death has never been so kind.
Closing my eyes just see the divine if only for one last time, one last time, oh one last time.
And just like that the picture starts to fade.
What's wrong with me,
I can no longer see her face, feel her breath, hear her voice whispering in my ear.
And anger fills my heart once again.
Sober for over 8 years and still have the urge to drink and get lost in my memories.
That voice inside never really goes away.
Who's to blame, guilt rising up, the imagined power to stop it.
He who experiences a tragedy never truly forgets.
No matter the years past, no matter the changes that occur.
A different job, a different house, different friends, different kinds of love.
Still the shadow shines right on that scar.
Exposing every single flaw, and always searching for cause.
And all you can think is please let me see her one last time and just maybe this burning pain will stop.
Oh please, oh please just one last time.
But truth be told you know it won't.
Even as you swallow your tears and try not to choke.
Acceptance the most difficult pill to swallow.
Knowing there is no time machine.
Knowing that revisiting will only inflame these dying emotions.
So you decide the best course in your life in not to look back.
Hoping you'll eventually find something that fills that void at least partially.
Enough to not wake in the middle of a deep sleep screaming out her name.
Enough that you don't feel need to commit suicide just to see her one last time.
One last time.
Someday I will see you my darling one last time.
But not today, tomorrow, or for the rest of this life.
But maybe sometime into the next.