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Bri Edwards

Veteran Poet - 3,842 Points (some time ago / Earth, i believe)

Being Old: The Advantages And Disadvantages....... [(see the title): Long; personal? ; humour? ]

For my poems, my friend Valsa George has a hunger.
She’s over fifty, but, compared to me, she is younger.
She suggested I write about ‘the advantages of being old’.
It’s a challenge, but, Valsa, on this idea you have sold......

I – The Advantages

Retirement income though you’re done working.
[Why, now, are some of you readers smirking? ]
No alarm clocks waking you for your job.
More time to lie around home.....like a slob.

No more eight hour shifts sitting or standing.
No boss watching you closely, being demanding.
No more rush-hour five times a week.
NO customers to ‘grease’ so they won’t ‘squeak’.

NO children to raise and feed and clothe.
No need to help with homework which you did loathe.
NO need for razor or make-up five days a week.
NO need to be pushy when you’re really meek.

No pressure to stay fit by going each week to gym.
No pressure to diet conscientiously.....to stay slim.
No deciding “Who’s on top tonight? ” when libido goes.
MORE time now for computer and for late TV shows.

More time for those novels you’ve meant to read.
More time to enjoy your garden and more time to weed.
More time to buy lottery tickets at the Seven-Eleven.
Less time to wait for The Judgment..... which may see you to Heaven.

........................................ ..........................

[BUT, I can’t help it, Valsa; I’ve got to write more.
Now about DISadvantages 'you' can also look for.
Of course not all people are equal; you may suffer more than me!
Give us a few more years of growing old and... We... May... See.]

……………………………………………………………………………………………… ……….

II – The Disadvantages

Though you may have income, it may not be enough,
and if your pension plan fizzles....life can get really tough.
Money worries and new pains insomnia may cause.
It may be a losing battle for you against the 'Laws....
of Nature'!

Now hemorrhoids can cause sitting to be much less than fun.
Bad knees don’t allow standing, let alone allow you to run.
Your partner may now become your new UNwelcome boss.
Missing your daily commute may seem like a sad loss.

Grandchildren or even children may come “home to roost”.
They may become a nuisance....which once had been a “boost”.
Now your face and neck (and other parts) begin to sag;
over your head you now may wish to place a bag.

You skip the gym and the diet, but now your body begins to riot.
And when out of shape it’s hard to get back...”in”. Just try it!
You don’t mind and may even enjoy when you lose the urge for sex,
but your partner may not be prepared for the change....and may become your “ex”.

You may have time now, but have lost what’s needed for reading.
You may have all kinds of will, but no way to do the work of weeding.
Lottery tickets may give you hopes, but allow your debts to swell.
AND now you’re CLOSER to The Judgment.....and you may go to Hell! !

(November 11,2013)

Submitted: Tuesday, November 12, 2013
Edited: Tuesday, November 12, 2013

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Poet's Notes about The Poem

okay! i'm 65. valsa's age (if true) is on her ph page. some of the poem is directly in reference to me but i'm not telling which parts. don't ask about valsa; at least don't ask ME!
hopefully you readers don't experience ALL of the disadvantages; a few MIGHT do you good....maybe not. if you are 'young', take my words as a warning, but don't give up on your life just because of this poem. i think i have other poems to do that. :)

Comments about this poem (Being Old: The Advantages And Disadvantages....... [(see the title): Long; personal? ; humour? ] by Bri Edwards )

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  • Veteran Poet - 2,578 Points Achill Lad (10/7/2014 4:19:00 PM)

    Well done, Bri, you've told the world how I feel. Enjoyed the humour, nice one. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Daniel Brick (6/14/2014 11:41:00 AM)

    This poem hits very, very close to home because I turned 67 this past Tuesday. Somehow my 60s just ambushed me! I was prepare for turning 50, rather enjoyed being in my 50s. But not my 60s, and I dread the big 7-0. But I'm not writing an OLD AGE POEM yet. If I need one I'll piggy-back on yours. Yours is comprehensive, everything I'm feeling (or not feeling) is in it. It's the ENCYCLOPEDIA of aging for us all! I really like the twist with the DIS section ending with a judgment of HELL and the ADV, with HEAVEN. It's a toss-up, for sure. (Report) Reply

  • Veteran Poet - 3,922 Points Khairul Ahsan (11/14/2013 2:53:00 AM)

    Thanks to Valsa for encouraging you to write this, and to you too, for obliging her and bringing out this rhymed 'treatise on the advantages and disadvantages of growing old! '
    Enjoyed the humor, enjoyed the realities projected here.
    'No alarm clocks waking you for your job.
    More time to lie around home.....like a slob.'
    But lying around home is not always a fun.
    'NO need for razor or make-up five days a week.
    NO need to be pushy when you’re really meek.'
    I liked these two lines a lot.
    'Your partner may now become your new UNwelcome boss.
    Missing your daily commute may seem like a sad loss.'
    A prophetic prediction for many.
    In spite of all the disadvantages, let us enjoy the moments allowed to us in the category 'of being old' (Report) Reply

  • Gold Star - 12,205 Points Valsa George (11/13/2013 6:00:00 AM)

    Oh! Bri, You are simply amazing! What humour without exaggeration or distortion! ! So my suggestion has enabled you to bring out a rhyming treatise on the advantages and disadvantages of growing old!
    This write of yours makes one break into guffaws and brood over the impending blues (in the case of people, nearing the verge, people like you, unlike me, still young!)
    'More time to lie around home..like a slob'
    No pressure to diet conscientiosuly to stay slim'... So there is plenty of time at one's disposal and one can gobble down anything one's palate demands! But beware of 'SUGAR', the villain waiting to subdue the aged! And beware of arthritic limbs... So keep running! ..... Kudos! ! (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 199 Points Kavya . (11/13/2013 4:58:00 AM)

    an excellent one Sir.............totally agree to both the phases, currently am into the 1st phase, though tiring and hectic am enjoying it thoroughly as I fear to step into Phase II where you have ample time at your disposal but left with no will or energy to do anything. a 10/10 for this write. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 303 Points Poetheart Morgan (11/12/2013 7:27:00 PM)

    kakakakakakakakakakkakakakakakakakakakakaka! ! ! ! I am stroll for that! ! ! ! KAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAK
    Very good Poet. Nothing like be real......Thanks i have to run for be the first to say something for you.... (Report) Reply

  • Veteran Poet - 3,842 Points Bri Edwards (11/12/2013 2:55:00 PM)

    p.s. the symbols i typed after the 'advantages' and 'disadvantaged' sections WERE, respectively, a smile/happy face like this.... :) ..... and a frown/sad face like this...... : ( ....... ph? turned them into something else. bri :) (Report) Reply

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