Michael Philips


A Shitty Valentines Day


Just shut up already about herbal remedies, I told her.
This was on Valentines Day, hours before Sally fed
my dog some herbal medication
and he brewed butt coffee
and lost it all over my house after she left.
When I came home greeted by brown valentines
on my shoes, rug, and - omigod - headphones,
I had to walk around outside to calm down
before I picked up the phone.
I expected her to claim it was good
for the dog to clean out his system.
But she surprised me, apologized and
came over, did a pretty good clean-up,
I did have to throw out the shoes
and there was no way I was going to
use those headphones again.
So she did okay.
I broke up with her anyway.
Find an herbal remedy for that, bitch!
No, I didn’t say that,
but we did break up the following year
on Valentines Day.

Submitted: Monday, October 31, 2005
Edited: Saturday, November 19, 2005

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Comments about this poem (A Shitty Valentines Day by Michael Philips )

  • Rookie - 855 Points Jasbir Chatterjee (3/18/2014 11:37:00 PM)

    Nice read, very humorous... (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Yvonne Prete (3/18/2012 8:05:00 PM)

    I've read five or so of his poems and don't want to lose him till I've had time to think it over. Sp I've tucked this poem in a folder I might look at again. I wish there were a way to bookmark within a bookmark. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Fred Babbin (1/24/2008 9:38:00 AM)

    My solution to that kind of problem is that I don't have a dog. The affair couldn't be much if that's why you broke up. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie M S (10/31/2006 2:58:00 PM)

    LOL....good thing you broke up before she switched her herbaphilia from the dog to you... (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 0 Points Original Unknown Girl (10/11/2006 8:06:00 AM)

    Hello there, just being introduced to your writing by way of this poem. It appealed to my ironic side..... I always have a shitty valentines! But thankfully not like yours was that day! A very witty read...... Humber Girl: -) x (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Mike Finley (4/24/2006 12:30:00 PM)

    Butt coffee... it gives me shivers... (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Anna Russell (4/4/2006 7:32:00 AM)

    After reading the title, the rest of this poem just grabs you by the throat (in a good way!) . A very witty slice of life, I enjoyed this a lot.
    Hugs
    Anna xxx (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Keiah Delu (12/5/2005 8:51:00 AM)

    Now this was nasty and the description wow...lol (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Mary Nagy (10/31/2005 1:28:00 PM)

    This is hilarious Michael! But, what I find weird is that you waited a whole year after that............you must be a very patient and understanding man. :) Sincerely, Mary (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 269 Points Uriah Hamilton (10/31/2005 12:48:00 PM)

    Michael, I'm with you, I can forgive a chick almost anything, but not ruining a perfectly good pair of headphones! (Report) Reply

Read all 10 comments »

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