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(20-06-1958 / Solihull, Birmingham, England)

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A right old boot.

She's an outbreak of gloom in the corner
An affront occluded by pain
She could moan all four legs off a donkey
And persuade it to walk off again

She can curdle the milk in your teacup
She can bore your glass eye to sleep
She can out glum a manic depressive
She can drive a blind hangman to weep

She's here as our union contact
Our problems should all go through her
But I think she's too many already
If it's ok with you I'll demur.

Submitted: Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Edited: Thursday, February 02, 2012


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Comments about this poem (Criminal by Martin O'Neill )

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  • John Brown (9/8/2012 1:39:00 PM)

    Very funny Martin an outbreak of gloom is a great line.

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  • Ruth Walters (8/4/2012 3:23:00 PM)

    so does that mean you're not going to romance her ¦ 0) tee hee not even a little bit ;)))))

  • Danny Draper (3/25/2012 7:23:00 AM)

    Great humour very well written.

  • Vanessa Hughes (3/20/2012 2:10:00 AM)

    Love this, the opening line just draws you in straight away, very funny x

  • Micmac Mccrory (3/8/2012 7:43:00 AM)

    I have married twice, so i know two old boots such as yours.

  • Karen Deeks (3/7/2012 8:57:00 AM)

    Ha ha ha! ! Outbreak of doom in the corner (I think you met my mum!) and we used to have this concrete boot on our doorstep that we always felt represented her perfectly.
    I do love a bit of dry humour and this is mighty fine to encourage laughter lines... Karen

  • Juan Olivarez (2/22/2012 7:45:00 AM)

    Lots of humor, but I see it as a tribute to an old friend. Well what do I know.

  • Patti Masterman (2/1/2012 10:22:00 PM)

    Ha, sounds like she needs the counseling she's supposed to be giving. Loved it.

  • Gone Away (3/16/2010 9:13:00 AM)

    Ha Ha! very funny....I have met a few of these in my time!

  • Jacqui Thewless (7/13/2009 7:39:00 PM)

    As above. Somebody's got to do it, though..

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