001 - Nice Guy
I was once a very nice guy
And I was exceedingly shy.
I always said I have to go and do a No.2
When I had to go to the loo.
I could never say I have to take a - - - -
I fact I wouldn't say - - - -
Even if I had a mouth full of it.
And I would never say - - - -
Even though my stomach was bloatin'
And my teeth were floatin'
I could never say I have to - - - -.
I could also never curse.
That just made things worse
I would say merely 'Please leave'
When I really meant
Get the - - - - out of here.
I could never ask people
To do the anatomically impossible
By saying ‘Go - - - - yourself'
Much too uncouth.
I would use words like
Dern, dang, hey and heck
When I really wanted to say - - - - - - - - -!
Or ‘Get your lazy - - - out of bed'
Or ‘How the - - - - should I know? '
I couldn't talk like a trucker
And call a guy A no good - - - - - - - - - - - -.
I would never call a
Puerto Rican a - - - -
Or an Irishman a - - - -
And my problems would get bigger
If I called a man a - - - - - -
Or use language more rich
By calling a man a son of a - - - - -
I'm tired of writing this - - - - - - - rhyme
It has no class.
And if you don't like it
You can stick it up your - - -
Which really means
Place it where the sun don't shine.
If you can fill in any of these blanks
Then you're just about as depraved as I am
Thinkin' it is as bad as sayin' it
So say some righteous - - - - - - - -.
George Hunter's Other Poems
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