Paula Lubbe

I don’t know what to do anymore
I don’t know what to say
You never care, you couldn’t ignore me more
All you ever do is run away
...

My life seems empty
It feels like a lie
As if everybody sees me
But not who I am inside
...

I may be skinny
I may be pretty
I may be the fairest in the city
...

Alone always in darkness,
this feeling of despair,
everything is so lifeless,
too much pain to share.
...

Little girl, please don't cry
There is always a softer side.
Don't hide away your lonely heart,
don't leave it alone in the dark.
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I have disintegrated in your eyes
The fire, the hate in you, lo,
It's my demise
Why do you despise me so? ?
...

Silent tears fall, I begin to cry
I clench my fists, I close my eyes
I don't know why I'm treated this way
I wish this would just go away
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It possesses my mind by day and night
I don't know why I try to fight
A memory that won't fade away
You stay in my mind by night and day
...

Isn’t it sad how memories fade
How we forget and move on to the next day
Isn’t it tragic how we lose the ones we love
Forgotten, their souls reflected in the whitest dove
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Nothing is the way it's supposed to be
Isn't there supposed to be something more than this?
Things are good, but there's a fear in me
There's something out there that I might miss
...

I am the solution and the problem,
I am the answer and the question.
I am the mystery and the explained,
I am the one who cares and complains.
...

It seems this is not the worst of lives
But to me it comes pretty close
Bad enough to want to compromise
And a lot than the most
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I wish I had someone who's there for me
Who would see my pain and care for me
Hiding behind this smile can't last forever
Blue eyes grow bloodshot, each second longer
...

It happened one starry night
Not too long ago
You were sitting there, waiting
But I wasn’t planning to show
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These bodies pop out of the ground
With such a terrible, gut wrenching sound
They all rise to stand around me
The most terror my eyes have seen to surround me
...

I wonder why things work out this way
Persistent, I keep writing to try and explain
Though my hands ache and cramp up from all the pain
But I’ll keep writing and still not complain
...

Here it is,
My notice of resignation to this life.
I can do better than this,
This was but a lie.
...

Sleep, peaceful sleep
Eluding, alluring, and longing sleep
No more cries or tears to weep
As I fall into an eternal sleep
...

I’ve been looking at you,
You’re sleeping with the saddest look.
Aren’t you dreaming sweet?
Don’t you have new illusions to meet?
...

This is not the life I wanted
This is not where I want to stay
Though I've made up my mind
I can't change anything, anyway
...