Ata Khan

Z'ma Mor (My Mother)

It was a rainy day
driving back home
the car steered me
towards you...
your grave

Can i ever forget
how much you liked the rain?

The white wet marble of your grave
sparkled like your smile

Every falling drop
bounced to embrace me

I could feel you, and
how happy you were
but I could also hear you
say this very clearly

'Za Bachiya baraan de (Go my child, it's raining)
and you don't have an umbrella'

(Title and the verse translated are in Pashto language)

Submitted: Sunday, April 12, 2009
Edited: Thursday, February 07, 2013


# 436 poem on top 500 Poems

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  • Rookie - 69 Points Bright Morn (12/2/2012 12:13:00 PM)

    wow what a poem it is, za bachia baran d shows the care of a mother always having for her children, this is what is being called 'universal motherhood'. Loved the way u wrote for ur mother. May her soul rest an peace (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 272 Points Naida Nepascua Supnet (5/9/2011 4:59:00 AM)

    comment number 250: i wish my son will see me someday as you see your mom.
    she is lucky to have you as a son.
    amazing poem. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 15 Points Amy Marie (5/8/2011 8:20:00 AM)

    I like it :) It's easy to understand and it's not overly long. I like the feeling created by it. That makes it a good poem. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Errol Anderson (5/7/2011 6:28:00 PM)

    Mothers are very special people, and it seems your's was a very special lady, This was very well written with a lot of passion and love. A very touching tribute to your mother on mother's day. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Sally Ann (9/19/2010 5:27:00 PM)

    This is the first poem I have ever commented on but it just sums up being a mother to a son and their relationship so well that I was moved into creating an account.
    It should be sad, driving to a mothers grave under pouring rain but it made me smile and that's imo the whole strength of this poem. A really lovely poem.
    I live in france and the title 'Z'ma Mor' reminds me so much of 'm'amour' an endearment meaning my love... (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 96 Points Maria C. Costa (9/1/2010 2:12:00 PM)

    Dear Ata,

    So beautiful and moving these lines! We can breathe much love, sensitivity, your lovely thoughts evoking your dearest Mother.
    Weather conditions in contrast to the warmth of your noble heart!
    Hope to read your next verses.
    Thanks a lot. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 717 Points Cynthia Buhain-baello (2/1/2010 11:12:00 PM)

    Like the comments given here, the elements of the poem are symbolic, but the format (presentation) can be arranged into phrases instead of 'chopping' them
    up as the thought gets cut. Emotional and nostalgic, as memories of mothers always are. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Ridha Abdellaoui (1/29/2010 9:15:00 AM)

    Hello Ata!
    Thank you for the message and for the confidence to ask me to write a comment upon your poem 'My Mother'.
    First of all, She is not your mother. She is the Mother of all men. She represents the goddess of fertility, beauty and eternity. Even Death cannot wipe her out of our hearts. She is respected by all celestial religions. For example, in Islam we have a sacred Hadeeth (=a saying of the prophet) that says:

    ' Heaven is under the feet of the Mother'.

    Again thank you for the theme itself.
    Three elements draw my attention in this poem: The Mother, The Rain, and The Umbrella. They are smartly interwoven. They have common symbolic connotations with a sameness in gender. The Umbrella symbolizes Shelter, Protection and Containment, and so does The Mother. The Rain symbolizes Life, Fertility and Purity, and so does The Mother, too.
    The following verses are the most excellent in your poem

    'The white'
    'marble of your grave'
    'sparkled like your smile'

    in the personification and in the promotion of the 'marble' to reach identification with 'Smile'. The 'Smile' in itself is highly promoted to 'Light' in your poem. This is what really transcends your poem to be more poetic. How?
    Look here. Suppose you wrote your verses like this:

    'The white'
    'marble of your grave'
    'is like your smile'

    This is poetic but less poetic than what you have originally written. I congratulate you for that. However, I suggest to write them in two lines because the separation of the words has no effect but on the paper or on the length of the poem and no aesthetical or poetical impact. I suggest to write them in just two lines with a slight shift in putting the two adjectives: 'white' and 'wet':

    'The wet white marble of your grave'
    'sparkled like your smile'

    because the adjective 'white' modifies, grammatically, the 'marble' not 'wet' that modifies the 'marble'.
    The remaining lines of the poem are not bad but they need to be more embellished.
    Finally, God bless your mother and be with you.

    TUNISIA. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Fiona Liddle (1/28/2010 11:51:00 AM)

    I genuinely felt the emotion in your words. It's a wonderful, simply beautiful poem, and I love it. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Emma Kessler (1/27/2010 3:32:00 PM)

    This is a beautiful poem that really show how you were feeling. The metaphors are wonderful, I loved it! (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Ritty Patnaik (12/24/2009 1:15:00 AM)

    dear is your mothers blessings that you write so well.this poem again though makes one feel heavy in the heart, and we all go through this phase one time r another in life, happy memories and sad keeps coming back to us.our dear ones always remain in our hearts.all i can say is, it is a great poem.
    best wishes.
    ritty (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Adam Pinheiro (9/19/2009 7:17:00 PM)

    I absolutely love it! Very, very deep and moving, this poem is. I was captured and fascinated from the start, and I could almost picture the story unraveling in my mind. A wonderful read; gld you sent me a message ;) . 10+ (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 312 Points Almedia Knight-Oliver (9/15/2009 11:30:00 AM)

    This is a very, very, very, moving poem-that held me in its rein in the rains.Of the striking images and fresh, fresh, fresh perception of the narrator drivingng in the rain and being embraced by every drop. And seeing her sparkling smile in the wet marble stone.e way you captured your mother in the rain get a 10++++++ from me.

    Thanks for inviting me to read it. May I ask you to read 'Mom accordingly, you're loved'. I also wrote tributes to my four children ' A Mother's Collection Of: Tissues, Bones, And Blood' (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 45 Points Aparna Sinha (9/15/2009 9:48:00 AM)

    It is so real(wow!) I am spellbound and believe me this 'THE BEST ONE' I read so deep....excellent write! ! (Report) Reply

Read all 260 comments »

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