Torrent Poem by Jane Alamon

Like a stone in the middle of a raging river,
I stood my ground and didn't move an inch.
Firm and anchored but drowning.
I tried to keep my head afloat to breathe.
I kept my eyes opened to see what's ahead
but all I see is water.

I shed tears no one see
and shouted cries no one hear,
the river drowns it out.
I want to move and get out,
before I get eroded and sanded down.

I freeze at the sight of another torrent.
I'm overwhelmed, choked, despondent, desperate
but still I manage to stand.
For now, it's good enough.

I used to swim this river confidently.
Scoffed at those who were stranded and too scared to jump,
thinking it was so easy to paddle.
'What happened between then and now? ', you ask.
I lost myself when the water got too big, too deep.
I thread to keep moving,
just to keep myself from being stranded, I thread.

Pretended I know what I'm doing.
Pretended I'm better than everyone else.
I won't let anyone scoff at me.
But the water got to deep and can't pretend any longer.

Scoff at me all you want, but please get me out of here.
Teach me how to swim again, I know I'll catch up.
Until then, I stand and stare,
paralysed by the monster in my head.