My Other Child Poem by louis rams

I cannot turn back the hands of time and I can't right my wrong
So this life of guilt is where I belong.
I abandoned my other child to save my marriage and name
Yet keeping this secret I felt so ashamed.
I gave my child from my wedlock all that I could give in hopes
That someday myself I could forgive.
This child did not deserve thus, I was a father just in name
And never be a dad cause the feelings are not the same.
I would help my other child and give what I could but
Never giving what I should.
How do you begin to heal when guilt is all you feel?
Although there were many obstacles that got in the way
I should have kept trying from day to day.
I pushed it to the back of my mind but the heart it will always find.
It's like a drowning feeling and you're gasping for some air no one
With this you could share.
It's easier to forgive others because it's mostly in the mind
But forgiving yourself is in the heart which will take a lot of time.
Now your child is grown and has a family of their own and the
Grand children that you will never get to know or meet
Even when they pass you in the street.
Don't do what I had done - forgiving yourself is no fun.
The healing process may begin but it's a battle you never win.
© L. RAMS 032122