hasmukh amathalal

Gold Star - 23,705 Points (17/05/1947 / Vadali, Dist: - sabarkantha, Gujarat, India)

Love To Take Care


I loved your style
When smiled and accepted meanwhile
The true offer of friendship
And expressed readiness for companionship

I had always thought of you
And hoped it to turned true
You were in my mind most of the time
Never missed for a minute any time

Each night you appeared gently
In dream to remind me of reality
That I will have to go for some adjustment
And make it colorful moment

Emotions were taking high toll
As I had to respond to your call
You were not to be left alone
As enough time had passed or gone

I have tied a nuptial knot
The battle was really fought
You finally came under my seize
It was more than a noble prize

You were equally thrilled
When saw me in your arm and called
“I am yours for ever” and just leaned
My heart was swept over and cleaned

Now I have permanent refuge
Where no one can interfere and refuse
For any reason I am under safe hands
You are companion as well as true friend

We have vowed to be one in all respects
That must speak with one act
I have loved her from the beginning
Let her narrate as example so shining

I am no stranger to her in any sense
Worldly pleasure may make us no tense
I have enough of love to take care
I can rest peacefully now and dare

Submitted: Sunday, June 23, 2013
Edited: Monday, June 24, 2013

Form:


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  • Gold Star - 23,705 Points Mehta Hasmukh Amathalal (6/24/2013 6:30:00 AM)

    Dear Hasmukhbhai, “I have tied a nuptial knot The battle was really fought You finally came under my seize It was more than a noble prize” The above quoted stanza reminds of Walter Scott’s Lochinvar. “So faithful in love, and so dauntless in war, There never was knight like the young Lochinvar.” It seems there is something of Lochinvar in you. KH Prabhu, Kumta, Karnataka - 581343 Jun 24,2013 (Report) Reply

  • Gold Star - 23,705 Points Mehta Hasmukh Amathalal (6/23/2013 11:23:00 PM)

    A puritan love with all the exclamations of love narrated at length, a true friendship turned into a love story.


    Edward Wahbe6 minutes ago
    The classical love story expressed in measures stanzas, and easy verses, flowing with ease to entertain the reader. Good measures in the four line verses carrying one idea at a time. A step by step lead for the reader to get interested. I was and offer this poem a four star I like It (Report) Reply

  • Gold Star - 23,705 Points Mehta Hasmukh Amathalal (6/23/2013 10:48:00 PM)

    It's a well written piece


    Levi Davis8 minutes ago
    Though, you throw me off
    with the srhyming in the begging,
    though it doesnt continue in the latter parts
    It started of great
    yet, I'm a firm believer tht poems don; t jave to ryhme
    to be a awesome piece of lititure

    I'm sorry but you've lost me at the ending

    Keep writing on
    I give my honest opinion,
    that's all I have :) (Report) Reply

  • Gold Star - 23,705 Points Mehta Hasmukh Amathalal (6/23/2013 10:48:00 PM)

    I have a problem with the flow.


    Jim Hollingsworth8 minutes ago
    I like the sharing of feeling but do not connect with the phrasing. (Report) Reply

  • Gold Star - 23,705 Points Mehta Hasmukh Amathalal (6/23/2013 10:46:00 PM)

    Hashan Mannan11 minutes ago
    'style and meanwhile' creates a good rhyme, but what's the meaning? Does it create any sense? The theme or story is not clear and well expressed.
    Punctuation are also absent. (Report) Reply

Read all 8 comments »

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