Letter To God Poem by Niken Kusuma Wardani

Dear God

I come at Your presence, still at the distance
Tracing the path to Your heavenly door
Try to bring some odds word from my mortal brain
You might feel i'm naif and look at me dearly
But things are not changing, You are God

I won't asked why do You took my mom away
You'd give me list of reason carved in gold plate
I'd rather asked mom myself, would You let me?
I want to re-negotiate with her as if it her own will
I know You don't preserve that kind of miracle

Then, please tell her when she's not looking down on me
That she had took most of myself with her
How all about her memory strain my existence
Please convince her that never again i'd let her simple wish down
Be kind to sent her back for my words are true

In her silent and lost look, she'd assigned me
Things that i'd let go, selfishly forsaken
I'd behold for certain extend as it just additional course
While it's a heavy mental notes and her life picture
I'm merely stupid to be sorry for my ignorance now

I used to think that she's vulnerable even wihtout tears
That i'm a steady-being, next to her and the younger
We had terrible fight with the fate daily
We hurt, we stumble but she got most of the pain
She strive to her best untill i lost the battle with myself

It's really take a life -her dearly life- to see this all
That i'm just a pathetic leader under her wings
That peaceful life is a bad utopia for a fighter
That to love is to pour yrself to the limit 'till the end
And only a looser choose to waive the cup

I'm standing in both way, myself and mom
It's painful to bearing her unconditional love all the way
She's an angel without a hallo or a pair of bright-wing
The other way, i drag my sword in irritating sound
The fake power to protect my fragile heart and clueless mind

I'm sorry for not able to fathom her pure heart
I'm sorry to troubled her with all my prejudice and limitation
I'm sorry to let her stand in my shoes mostly than i had myself
I'm sorry that i always take her for granted for anything and anytime
As a dumb, now i feel sorry for a lifetime

I knew that each of us suffer of her lost
But i just knew that she's the one who suffer most for our lost
I'd learn from her that bringing up daughter is not simple
But i'd just learn without her everything seems impossible
Many things i knew differ when i'd lost her

Anway God, just one last thing

If sending her back is impossible, then send her to Heaven
Just remember her torment and her flawless kindness
She had won the battle with unbeatable faith of You
Shan't any doubt, had the book of life capture all
I love her much but only You know how to treat her right, dear God