Just Tell Me When. Poem by Josephine Adrian

I called you 'mom'
Right from the start;
Little did I know,
You'd break my heart.
It had just begun to mend,
So it was still fragile;
This time 'round,
It'll take a while.

I phoned home the other day,
And 'he' picked up.
How did my 'seemingly perfect' world,
Become so mixed up?
I hung up the phone,
After saying good-bye;
It was no surprise,
When I started to cry.
It was my first birthday,
Since you and dad split;
And for 'him' to answer,
It hurt quite a bit.

Do you know,
I cry myself to sleep at night;
That everyday I am thankful,
To see the break of light?
Do you know,
Everyday I wait for your call,
And everyday that passes,
I feel like nothing at all.
Feels like one day with 'him'
Is more important than the 12 years with me.
You're bringing back the monsters of my past;
Can't you see?
The ones I tucked away,
In the back of my head;
I thought they would stay there,
Until I was dead.

'He' has ruined everything,
Now I'm building my wall;
Slowly shutting out everyone.
It'll take a lot to make my barriers fall.

Are you happy with 'him'?
I know I'm not.
I feel unwanted;
Like a blood clot.
I feel like an old toy,
That you've thrown away;
Not even worth looking at,
On a later day.

I remember the day,
I found out about 'him'
Because that's the day,
My whole world went dim.
You wrapped your arms around me,
Told me, 'Everything's gonna be fine.'
Your burden seems so light...
Do you wanna take mine?

Please procede with caution,
You're walking on egg shells.
You won't know the half of it,
Until you've been through my hells.
I've been there,
And back again.
I can survive it once more,
Just tell me when.