I Hate This Poem by Jennifer Gordon

I hate this
I feel so blind. standing in the dark wondering if I will ever be able to find, to find the real person who I seek.
loves awaiting thought is seeking me.
I hate this feeling of the unknown.
It makes me ponder and wonder into the dreams i wish to hold.
They are so bold the dreams I see
Sometimes they get mixed in with my reality.
I can't remember. I can't even think.
what is this feeling why is it killing me.
Tears fall down like rain on the mountains top.
Me just like the mountain. I tend to feel big.
But truly I feel hollow.
Filled with dark holes, just awaiting for something to fill them in.
I can't take it. I hate it.
When I scream I can feel the echo.
I know it is just me, all paranoid and scared.
yet still I fear, like something else bad is out there.
It's paranoia I tell myself.
just forget and it well be okay, maybe even better yet.
Memory losing its grip.
Day1 its all good.just SOoo Tired
Day 2 it is getting tiresome.
Day 3 it is easing up
Day 4 I haven't felt such pain
Day 5 my body aches
Day 6 MY mind is wondering.
Day 7 I can't remember the words i just was about to say
Day 8 I forgot my phone number
Day 9 What is my name
What the hell is going on with me?
What am I supposed to do?
I hate this.
I hate this!
I want this to end.
Whats wrong with me?
why is it that? I keep seeing these flashes.
Is it the end?
I hate this
Wait...What Was I saying? ......