I Feel Like A Failure At Love Poem by Julie A Smith

Love and I
makes me sigh.
It sometimes makes me cry.
Love has been elusive and played
hard to get (if love was personified) .
Heartbreak
has made me
want to give up.
Too many tears have fallen.
Pain has marred my tender heart.
It is like a handicap making me
not able to move forward
even though I want to
and commitment fears
fight my desire to love again.
A broken heart
is one of the most
shattering things in life.
It kills your joy.
It shakes your confidence.
It makes you think
you will never find love that endures
and the beautiful fairy tale
so many others have been blessed with
will never be yours
while you have been
picked over,
treated poorly,
or failed at relationships.

I feel like a failure at love.
Why is it so hard for me?
My parents' divorce forever scarred me,
but I believe in love and marriage
although those two beautiful things intertwined
have never happened for me.
Sometimes that makes me give up hope.
I am not Catholic now,
but if I was a nun
at least I would stop thinking of marriage.
I wouldn't pray so much for my husband
and my desire to have children.

Tears come to my eyes writing this.
Longing unfulfilled is painful,
bitter, and discouraging.
I want to end this positive.
But "there are lots of fish in the sea"
is a platitude
that does not give me hope.
Arthur and medieval times
have always inspired me
and my trip to Scotland
will always be remembered fondly in my heart.
Where are the knights
in shining armor these days?
Internet dating is all the rage.
But where is my guy
who will risk his heart
to pursue me?
But where is my guy
who will take time for me
rather than always being busy with
his own pursuits?
Love is a meeting of two minds,
two souls, and two hearts.
I don't want to be a burden,
a problem, second best,
or an afterthought.
My guy needs to step up and be brave
and risk for me.
I want to know
he's worth risking my heart for,
and he's not just seeking
a passing fling or short term relationship
rather than marriage and lasting love.