For Even As I Smiled.. Poem by Dosvedanya Rashia

I do not know
Where it has gone…
The virtue; my resolve;
To be a human
Of honor.

I promised myself
I would live like Gandhi,
Selfless and sweet
Sunrays of warmth and light,
Shining pure

A tiny old man
With a smile of humor
Eyes so knowing, and
A heart to make us all
Weep for love

I wish I were
As good a person.
As this petit gentleman
A person who thinks
Of the world and all in it.

Oh, If I but had the strength
To say No! To break
My own heart, and life,
To keep theirs whole,
And joyous.

To take back
All wrong that I have done.
The kisses I had given
The wishes I had in my
Heart of darkness

For even as
I smiled, I cried inside.
And even as I fell in love
I felt my honor splinter
My self respect die.

A slim figure in white,
My conscious in his form
Turns away, and shakes
His head with a
Sigh of disappointment.

I want to watch
The marigold flowers, bursting
With vibrancy. The skies
Full of the peaceful sounds
Of raindrops falling home

And be forgiven
Somehow, though I doubt
For me it’s possible.
And make up somehow
For all the woes.

I would have that little boy
Grow up to be a great man
Live a happy life, proud
Of his family and of
The goodness in the world

And for me, I would wish
Nothing more than what
I always wish. A space
Six feet long,
And two feet wide.