I saw bright lights up ahead.
colorful, spinning, I wanted them to be mine.
The car veered slightly as I turned to look. I rolled my window down to feel the wind.
I neared the lights and heard children laughing and saw parents chattering amongst eachother.
I wondered if they were taking the moment in. I wonder if they knew I was taking their moment in.
I wanted their moment to be mine.
I almost forgot you were next to me, but you shifted in your seat and I heard you take another bite of ice cream.
Mine sat next to me in the center console and I had never felt so sick.
I wanted to park the car and make a run for the carnival. I wanted to leave everything behind.
How long could we pretend? My mind was a ticking time bomb waiting until the worst perfect moment to erupt.
But we passed the lights and and the music and the children and drove toward East End.
I don't know what made me take that route, ironic to the name it held.
I couldn't find the answers.
I parked on the street and prayed you would say something, anything to stop my mind from racing.
I don't think God heard me because you just reclined your seat.
I asked what time you wanted to leave.
You didn't answer, so i turned to face you and you were gone.
I looked for you in my back seat, but you weren't there either.
I got out of the car and sat on the pavement.
He asked me what was wrong with my porch, I smiled to cover tears and said,
'I like the sidewalk better tonight.'
Stupid answer looking back on it, but sometimes I just don't know what to say.
I wondered where you went. I don't think there's enough nicotine in the world to take away my cravings. But I still
puffed away and my last cigarette and I cried.
I cried for exactly 3 minutes.
Thats when I remembered I wasn't supposed to cry. It makes me too similar to her. So I stood up instead.
I stood up and bought another pack..
another 20 reasons as to why I can't quit.
But i'd never admit that.
I don't remember going inside, but I think I did at some point.
I checked my phone to see if maybe I had missed a call from you.
Maybe you told me where you went and I didn't know.
you didn't though.
So I threw my phone away and counted the number of times my lungs made my stomach move.
I wish you would speak to me.
But I guess I've learned by now that I can't always get what I wish for.
Simone Graves's Other Poems
Read this poem in other languages
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.
Comments about this poem (Carnival by Simone Graves )
(January 30, 1935 – September 14, 1984)
(12 July 1904 – 23 September 1973)
(March 26, 1874 – January 29, 1963)
(16 August 1920 – 9 March 1994)
(4 April 1928 - 28 May 2014)
Edgar Allan Poe
(19 January 1809 - 7 October 1849)
(10 December 1830 – 15 May 1886)
Alfred Lord Tennyson
(6 August 1809 – 6 October 1892)
Robert William Service
(16 January 1874 - 11 September 1958)
(28 November 1757 – 12 August 1827)
- A Dream Within A Dream, Edgar Allan Poe
- I Am the Only Being Whose Doom, Emily Jane Brontë
- A Smile To Remember, Charles Bukowski
- Anecdote of the Jar, Wallace Stevens
- If You Forget Me, Pablo Neruda
- Richard Cory, Edwin Arlington Robinson
- Annabel Lee, Edgar Allan Poe
- The Road Not Taken, Robert Frost
- As I Grew Older, Langston Hughes
- No Man Is An Island, John Donne
Poem of the Day
- Pain, Pain Knows No Race, Hebert Logerie
- God's Hands Of Love, Tom Zart
- Alone, Samantha Gronn
- David, Casey Renee Kiser
- She Stuck Her Butt Out At Me..., wanderer sailor
- Nine Views of the Huangshan, Paul Hartal
- Trying to Say Goodbye, Bijay Kant Dubey
- Autumn, Leong Ming Loong
- Colors, Tom Squires
- वक्त का तकाजा है vakt ka takaaja hai, hasmukh amathalal