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Sameera Alshaikh


A perfect mess (Prose)


10th of April 2013...
She comes in — walking with heavy steps...She walks in with naturally curly hair hiding her face — hiding her eyes.
There she sits — First row, third seat on the right, Like always...
She sets her black 'the Beatles' backpack down on the floor...
Choked on silence...Suffocating with her own words...Smothered by her own thoughts. Time is stretching...Something is killing her inside! Deep inside — it's killing her! ! She now takes a few breaths before taking her breakfast and iphone out of her backpack — Big chunks of oranges and apples for breakfast in a Tupperware...She checks her phone & goes through the photos posted on Instagram just to find a way out — hoping to find something that would keep her mind off.... Shitty Things keeping her mind busy! —those damn thoughts are disconnecting her from her surroundings!
She opens the Tupperware and picks a piece of apple and slowly puts it in her mouth — Mouth tastes of sick stomach twisting inside, she seems to have difficulty swallowing...She checks her phone to help herself take what’s upsetting her out of her mind... She lies to herself — She looks me in the eyes and lie to both of us saying that she’s fine... But I know — I know that there is something hidden under her heart... There's no need to tell me because it's written on her face... I can see her tears, I can see the sadness in her drowning eyes, I can hear the words that went unspoken....
But I don't know what to do or what to say....

Submitted: Saturday, April 13, 2013
Edited: Friday, October 04, 2013

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  • Rookie - 0 Points Greg Uhan (6/27/2013 4:36:00 PM)

    You are a beautiful soul my dear, caring and compassion radiates in this write. Sometimes when we can't find the words a simple smile or a hug is the best way to convey our love. You are a beacon of love in an age of darkness stay strong shine on never be afraid to share the gifts of your heart with those around you they need you now more than ever. And remember no matter how distant we may feel, we are never alone. Our love knows no seperation. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 31 Points Matt Mooney (4/18/2013 6:42:00 PM)

    Great writing. The trauma in the other's spirit is palpable. The big problem is what to do to help in a case like that. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 765 Points Thomas A Robinson (4/18/2013 2:35:00 AM)

    First broken hearts never heal. Second only time spent can alleviate the pain. Third it is best that you serve as an image of security by going about your daily life. Eventually she will join in when she has suffered long enough.
    A very good descriptive work.I like the words of apples and oranges and how they relate to real life.. hard to swallow sometimes. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Kevin Halls (4/16/2013 2:47:00 PM)

    This comes over more like a short story but nothing wrong with that Sameera.
    You could use this as the beginning of a Trilogy? Lots in there for an intriguing tale of broken love etc.
    Anyway well done. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Kevin Halls (4/16/2013 2:47:00 PM)

    This comes over more like a short story but nothing wrong with that Sameera.
    You could use this as the beginning of a Trilogy? Lots in there for an intriguing tale of broken love etc.
    Anyway well done. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Kevin Halls (4/16/2013 2:44:00 PM)

    This comes over more like a short story but nothing wrong with that Sameera.
    You could use this as the beginning of a Trilogy? Lots in there for an intriguing tale of broken love etc.
    Anyway well done. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 34 Points Adheez Van Der Beanthz (4/16/2013 9:51:00 AM)

    when I read this, I do not feel it like a poem
    I do not know why, I'm more inclined to say this is a story phrase from the brilliant observations
    but I love it, the interpretation that you wrote really detailed and touching
    I agree with Bright Morn, you managed to bring us-the reader- into the emotion that you want, as if we were there and to feel those emotions at the present
    I must admit that this is a truly beautiful work, really awesome
    look at your skills, I would not be surprised if one day you write a wonderful novel filled with emotions because I know you are capable of (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 273 Points Poetheart Morgan (4/14/2013 10:57:00 PM)

    She, that has a broken heart, needs more attention. She is the main reason for prose. After you finished your soul can mix the others things around her. (Report) Reply

  • Freshman - 1,180 Points Hans Vr (4/13/2013 10:40:00 PM)

    Wow, Sameera, This is indeed a deep piece.
    It is hard if we want to help someone but they do not allow us in.
    I am not a psychologist but naming the emotions you see so obviously when you have moments alone with her may help her to open up. She still has the choice to deny the emotions but feeling someone understands your emotions is often enough to really trust the person.
    I very much agree with what Soul was writing below that we always can ask guidance from our Creator. If we take the time for some prayerful reflection, ideas tend to flow in and the right path may seem so clear.
    This is a really thought provoking and excellently written piece of prose, Sameera.
    It provokes quite some feelings in the reader. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 657 Points Unwritten Soul (4/13/2013 11:01:00 AM)

    It's easy to have broken heart but it's not easy to heal
    then, care heart more because when it hurt it will last longer
    when you give yours to other, dont give all...keep some for self
    so you wont be lost when you lost it all...and above all
    let He guides you what love is_Soul (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 63 Points Bright Morn (4/13/2013 10:31:00 AM)

    Nice. U succeeded to make ur readers feel as if they are watching all the happenings. Its interesting to see prose on poemhunter, very good write, thanks for sharing (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Kelly Seale (4/13/2013 9:20:00 AM)

    This prose has the makings for something far deeper and draws the reader in... consuming with questions and the wanting of... more.

    I Like It! Nice work Sameera! I look forward to more, ; -)
    -Kelly. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 0 Points Ace Of Black Hearts (4/13/2013 9:06:00 AM)

    Sometimes just being there is enough.
    Note(- -) I've never seen this used as a pause but it is understandable and seeing as I don't know enough about your culture to know if it is correct or the invention of something new. But the constant trailing off sentences I don't think is completely necessary. While some of the (...) are needed not all are. To make something drag out a little longer instead of using so many of them try adding a little more detail. Just an idea, I hope you don't take any of that as a insult because I'm trying help. (Report) Reply

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