A Great Invention Poem by Herbert Nehrlich

Cantankerous she was, his wife
she carried on her a sharp knife.
And when the moon sent her a sign
or after a huge glass of wine
she'd hold the knife up to his chin
though rarely cut her husband's skin.
He did behave, it must be mentioned
and all his deeds were well-intentioned,
however, even whimps will baulk
so hubby deemed himself a hawk,
at times, with talons and a beak
he'd shed the image of a meek
subservient nerd and here is how
he braced himself for his own Frau.

He grabbed a knife of equal size
(well, fairness is a thing with guys) ,
and strapped it to his trouser belt
she'd see it there, of course, he felt
that armed would give him a slight edge
though there were no true bets to hedge.
The woman, due to hormone spiking
was feeling poorly, being Viking
(descendant from the folks from Norse)
she soon demanded a divorce.
The knife came out and she went close
and almost touched her husband's nose.
He, fearing now to be outdone
tried soothing words, like sweetheart, hon,
but she had gone to loonyland
thus hubby showed his well-armed hand
which prompted her to feign a strike
it is what fencing warriors like.
The blades were pinned against each other
the pushed and strained, then she said: 'Brother,
do you my husband see my pimple
the one the doctor labelled simple
and left to sprout there on my chin
it seems to've gone inside the skin.'
They looked but could not find the lesion
which normally has full adhesion
through epidermis into flesh
and anchored through a fibrous mesh.
How could a pimple disappear?
Well, while they searched she turned her ear
and snip, a piece fell to the ground
quite visibly but without sound.
'Hold on' said he, 'Are you demented,
I think we have, just now invented
a tool which somehow cuts by friction
though it must be a contradiction
that knives held tight would cut with ease
so shall we try it on Swiss cheese? '
They spent the evening together,
outside the wind had brought foul weather
he used his drill to cut two holes
then looked at the opposing poles
or blades if you prefer the name
it had become, by now, a game,
a bolt was matched to a small nut
the proper term was to abut
both bolt and nut and fasten so
two knives together in one go.

The wife, now in the best of moods
(she liked inventive, clever dudes)
brought rags and papers to the table
and found the tool was wholly able
to cut through all of it with ease
(though not at all through the Swiss cheese) .
The could not find a rhyme for scissor
(the word itself may be a fizzer)
so, after having a few beers
they simply called the gadget SHEARS.

Addendum:

Now you too know how sometimes strife
between a husband and his wife
can lead to positive solutions
like this, a useful contribution.