Wendy Murphy

So what if I’m still in love with you
My heart never really left you
Numb since you left
Starved and depressed
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When all you've been able to do is cry
When that man can look you in the eye
and not provide the comfort you seek
making you more than a little meek
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Why can’t we go into a relationship with eyes wide open
Instead of finding out after you’ve already chosen
You see the real person after a few months of dating
Never knowing the risks you’re contemplating
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I’m fighting for something that doesn’t exist
And ignoring the fact that there’s no real prince
We’re led to believe with childhood fairytales
That there are knights on white horses
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I’m not weak but I’m finding it hard to be strong
I’m sick to my stomach
I can hardly breathe
I don’t expect understanding
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Pulled like the force of a hurricane
Spinning out of control
Waiting, needing, forever pleading
For my attention to call their own
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Too blind to see
The chaos you caused
Normality freed
As you walked away from it all
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I wish I could go back in time to the little girl I once was
Just a little do over to be someone that I loved
Precocious but naïve in so many ways
How I wish I could go back to those simple days
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Had I paid closer attention
I knew we wouldn't fit
instead of making a tough time of it
would've seen the pattern and quit
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Lord, I put my life
In the palm of your hands
I’m tired of the games
What’s your plan?
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I don't understand why you're mad at me
with all the other times I've let you be
If I'm having fun to hell with how I feel
it's all about you, that's what you call real
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It’s been a long year without you
Many mistakes I’ve made to forget you
Feelings I’ve tried to bury deep
Seem to always surface when we’re in need
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It seems so unreal
What we feel
Like a distant dream
Played out in a movie scene
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On cold nights whether near or far
We’ll cuddle up beneath
And dream of where we are
Sleeping beside each other
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My heart was broken
Just when I thought it would never mend
You came around again
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I’d be lying if I told you I’m glad you went away
And the tears I’ve cried aren’t because of what you say
But every step I made from that very day
Was just putting my foot in the wrong shoe
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Mourning the loss, I clung to the memories of you
The good times, the bad –
Though we can’t get them back
It’s what we had
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I was a fool when I met you
Thought you’d be the one
To carry us through
Through this insane ride
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Often times I think of you
and grow a little sad
Moving on plays a corrupt role
Demeaning what we had
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