Thoughts Poem by hazel jackson

It sad really the way my thoughts are I feel so bad yet I made everything look good I'm so down on the inside and people yet see that I'm just smiling on outside they can't tell my true pain is hiding underneath I apologize  I thought I got over the things I was going through earlier on but it seems its all still there I have so many tears I haven't cried so many feelings I haven't shared so many thoughts ive yet to let out so many screams I hold in I see so much and seems I know so little but I gain more than I bargained for how i long for my eyes to rain and yet they stay dry as the desert i long for my heart to dissolve yet it stays whole and tries to fight on how long for my feelings to stay away disappear not exist and yet they come back and damaged me from the inside out they beat me until I am no more i long for my thoughts to keep me on a happy path but somehow I stumble clean off somehow I find myself lost broken, battered, bruised, abused and alone I wish I could tell people what I think and how I really feel I wish I could tell them the truth the things they want to hear but it's sad to say I can't because I don't know how to show it I don't know how to explain it it cant be put into words nor actions because it's gotten just that bad they'll never know.....I'm sorry.