This Present Crisis
I'm afraid this one is past its sell by date, but if you can think yourself back to Christmas 2008, when I wrote it, you might just be able to appreciate it.
Santa's had to lay off all the elves,
And the dust is taking over on Santa's toyshop shelves.
If you want presents this Christmas, you'll have to buy 'em all yourselves,
Because Santa's had to lay off all the elves.
Santa's had bad luck in large amounts;
Lost nearly all his money in Icelandic bank accounts.
When he stood before the debtors' court and the verdict was pronounced,
He said 'There won't be any Christmas cheer now all my cheques have bounced'.
Santa had to cancel Christmas lunch;
When he failed to pay the elves, they polished off all his rum punch.
He can't afford the carrots that the reindeer like to munch,
And the banks won't lend him anything on account of the credit crunch.
The bailiffs came and took everything away,
The last few sacks of toys and things and even Santa's sleigh.
You can lie awake and listen, but no matter what they say,
You won't hear any jingle bells this year on Christmas Day.
The snow on the ground may glisten, as the choir sings a roundelay,
But you won't hear the sound of jingle bells this year on Christmas Day.
There may be a few things missing, but hark what the angels say:
The divine gift has been given, that's the point of Christmas Day.
There may be a few things missing, as there were on that far-off day,
When a baby was born in a stable and laid in a manger of hay.
It's the chance for a new beginning, so cast all your cares away,
And join with the choir in singing of the joy of Christmas Day.
There may be a few things missing, but Jesus is here to stay,
Which is why we all send you our wishes for a joyful Christmas Day.
In dolce jubile.
Have a happy Christmas Day.
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