The Sauna Meeting Poem by Herbert Nehrlich

For those of you who do not know
it may come as a sudden blow,
each Kraut municipality
is fond of hydrotherapy.

Your feet may take you down the path
into a well-attended bath.
There's steam and dry, a red hot tub
and girls who practice rub-a-dub.

If saunabathing is your thing
a towel is what you must bring.
No speedos ready to conceal
that stuff they call Das Glockenspiel.

Birch branches just to beat the skin
bring out the sweat, not keep it in.
And, now and then, a ladle will
throw water, which may make you ill.

So, let me tell you of the time
when I, still young and in my prime,
was there, reclining and excreting
my toxins when a sudden meeting

took place between my eyes and hers,
while resting on the bench of firs.
She was a novice, I could tell,
and had a very lovely shell.

I watched, with scientific awe
the region home to the old bra,
as perspiration ran and trickled
it very likely must have tickled.

It went, due to a true excess
down to the belly, oh God bless!
Then disappeared into some brush
her face, meanwhile, began to flush.

I think it was a combination
between a sense of sheer elation
and modesty she did possess
but all of this was just a guess.

While I was wondering about
the fellow who had mentioned gout,
and tried to concentrate on sweat
a voice rang out, 'I'm glad we met,

I see that you are very skilled
as well you must be iron-willed.
I was so shocked to see you dive
into the cold, come out alive,

I could not bring myself to dunk
unless perhaps if roaring drunk.
I ask you, Sir, would a massage
to complement this great lavage

be helpful to a girl like me? '
'Of course, massaging sets you free
and gets the body in great shape,
if you permit, this is the nape

where knowing fingers start the act
from here, and this is a known fact
it must be left to the masseur
which route to take and which detour.'

She trusted me (it is my face) ,
I showed her how, and just in case
more time was needed to persuade
her body, I said 'I'm afraid

that it's impossible to know
what's going on, inside, below
the surface of your lovely skin
it really is a bit akin

to working in the dark while hoping
that all the kneading, stretching, groping
may heal the body and the mind,
here, let me work on your behind.'

She had, it must be said just once
the most delicious smooth-skin buns,
I wished for two more seeing eyes
which I would use to supervise

the structures wearing each a button
it made me see myself as glutton,
but hell, you don't live twice my boy,
and I have never acted coy.

We spent some time inside, exceeded
the time allotted while I kneaded
those parts that lacked in circulation
I showed her plain consideration.

Due to the heat inside the room
some devils were preparing doom
for two who would be DE-hydrated
which makes the brain itself sedated.

Heat stroke can meet you very quick
and it would get you really sick.
Well, we leaned back and simply rested,
I mentioned that she was big-breasted,

and soon my head did slide with ease
from sternum down to pointed knees.
This was because she still perspired
though loss of fluid made her tired.

I knew we had to leave this heat
so up we went before defeat
would bring disaster in no time,
the rest is elsewhere, not in rhyme.