The Describtion Of A Womachild..... Poem by Ms. Anika Martinez

Description of Womachild!



I was in the mist of destructive lifestyle that was killing me slowly and oh so softly! I had become the image of sin in its astonishing form. I no longer knew compassion, understanding or tolerance. I was no longer the bright future of an intelligent mother and career bound businesswoman. I was now the scene off the Jerry Springer show. I was now the degradation and dereliction of a woman that fell from the grace of self worth.

I had nowhere to run nowhere hide. The person I most wanted to abandon was self. I cared nothing for my image of self. I loathed, the way I looked, the way I talked and the way I behaved. I created a monster that made a home within me. I continuously begged for forgiveness for the dishonesty and resentment that dwelled in me.

I had no faith or hope of any kind. I knew I was dying. There was no known cure for me, which I knew of. I open my bible many of times praying for some sign of human feelings. The connection to God that I once knew. Nothing prevailed. So off I went, to find the only connection I knew that would give me the feelings that I was on the hunt for.It was find in a bottle of vodka, line of coke and the green pill that balance all my affairs.

Life was a waking nightmare for me. The days and nights rolled into one. Most times, I didn’t really know where one began and the other ended. I was just there, here and everywhere. I periodically, popped up from the death of my depression, the dark pit of my own despair gasping for air.

Many occasions people came in and out who claimed to know me. How could they know who I was? I didn’t know who I was. That intrigued me…

How did they know me? Where did they know me from? They would say things like, “I love you mommie” or “ Daughter what’s going on? ” They always looked as though they were in pain. I wanted to tell them the person they knew was not home. However, I am sure if she could be anywhere she would have preferred to be there with them. Hugging loving each one of them, with the all the love that one person could give to another.The hurt in their eyes kept me in awe, who was this person that they loved and adore so much. I needed to find her!

What admiration they had for this lady. I heard several them refer to her as mom, daughter, sister and friend.I knew they were mistaken when they approached me with love in their eyes, and care and concern in their hearts. Why in the world would they think I was she? How odd I thought this. But it kept me from having to spend so much time in that dark place I lived in called self.

However, the shadows would come and get me when I stayed away to long. I always new when they were near. I would tremble in fear. My stomach would tighten, my heart would race and my hands would become clammy. My thoughts would become foggy. That’s how I would know they were near and she had woken!

The beast in me beckoned them on. She would scream from them to find her. I would try to quiet her but her scream echoed so loudly that my ears would ring.
I would wrestle with her to turn off the lights. I knew they were coming. She would not stop struggling with me to keep the lights on. I too would not let up. I hated the beast that lived in me. She’s so nasty and her heart beats off beat. It made it hard for me to breath, at times. My battle with her and the shadows always ended in my defeat. Anger would well in me, “how could I be so weak? ” “ I should have fought harder! ”


Those were the words spoken to me, by me. There I would sit in the dark, dampen shack wondering what damaged had the beast and the shadows caused. Self -loathing would appear with a face of a child, whom abuses left her wounded and bleeding from her secret spot. Then hatred would come knocking, asking to come in. I would always invite her to stay longer then intended. She and I had lots in common. We comforted one another on many occasions.

It was always a trail of destruction left behind from their visit of



My Life the Description of Womachild!