Tears Of Shame Poem by Mindy Brown

tears doesnt seem to matter at the end of the day to most people,
but to me it makes me want to scream,
i scream becuase i am tired of my day to day life,
i feel ashamed of so much in the darkness of night,
when all my memories, sorrows, guilts, and horrors come to life.

i get so sick of counselors telling me i have nothing to be ashamed of,
when everyday when i look around everything reminds me of what i used to be and what i am now.
i keep waiting for that brutal slap from my insane grandmother everytime i shed a tear,
i am waiting for that moment even though she is not here.

my soul was killed long ago and since then i have been searching my barren wasteland of a life for it,
i have tried everything to fill that void but nothing lasted long enough to create a long lasting happiness.
judge me for my faults or my looks but i am nothing but a shell of what i once was,
i used to be like a shining star in the sky but now i am nothing but a burnout fallen star.

i lost all my innocence when i decided to lose my virginity and do drugs.
i am still caught in a cyclone of perpetual sadness and bitterness.
everyday as i walk the halls of my school,
i am forever hearing cruel whisperings all directed towards me.

calling me A FREAK, calling me a LOSER
they do not realize it but they are killing the last of my hopeful soul.
i stay there in a chair confined and my lips sealed,
hoping and wishing for a better tomorrow.

BUT all my pleas seem to go for nothing,
and now a river of sorrow is flooding my heart and my mind,
leaving me to want to commit one of the deepest sins on earth.
so i start to scream and plead to a greater God,
one i had almost forgotten in anger.

i scream to the dark skies in anger and sorrow,
'WHY WON'T YOU HELP ME? '
'WHY WON'T YOU TRY TO SAVE ME? '
i am left with so many questions unanswered,
i am left alone in the darkness with tears shining brillantly as they run down my face and a knife in my hand,
just WAITING for the terrible moment when death will show himself to me,
when he will beckon me to his side and bring me to hell.
where i will reside until a time when the world is peaceful and murder never happens.

so bring me to my paradise,
bring me to my eternal hell,
'DO YOU HEAR ME? '
'I WANT TO LEAVE THIS TERRIBLE AND LONELY WORLD, NOW! '

i have cried my plea's to the skies and not once was i ever answered,
so do not tell me there is a GOD,
when i was never relieved of my sorrow, shame, bitterness, and poverty.
DON'T you dare tell me there is a GOD, because i have never heard a whisper from him in my life!

Just Let Me Go!
let me die!
i am sick or the whispers, lies, death, tears, cruel looks, and anger in this world!
JUST LET ME GO!
I WANNA DIE!