Ruminations Of An Indian Bride Poem by Sapna Goel

In the darkness of the night, I look with confusion at my hennaed hands..

The deep red signifies..

Good luck, fertility or bloodied sighs..

My sisters and mom sleep next to me..

Their warm bodies and deep breaths calm me..

But what will tomorrow bring?

A new family to my door! A new mummy who isn’t my mom?

A man, a sis in law, A new home?

what will they be like? How will I win their hearts?

Make sure they love me from the start?

Will I get everything right?

Or just fumble and sweat and jump in fright?

Will they understand my nervousness and give me a chance..

To prove my worth and make a mark..

To win respect and affection, love and admiration..

If I could I would be the happiest girl alive..

But what if? I can't..

What if all they care for is, what I bring?

Money, gifts and gold rings?

If at every chance they get..

They shout and scream and humiliate!

Will I be able to live like that?

Bear the hurt, wipe the tears, hide the marks..

I look at my family around me..

Sleeping heavily, with dream laden eyes..

Tomorrow for them is a happy day!

I must not let my doubts be seen..

I must never break that dream!