Redemption Poem by Gergana Teofilova
Redemption
Contemplating and alone
Softly clad in a cloak of stars,
A man was roaming on his own
Holding a book, thick with scars
His face was hidden beneath a hood
And he could hardly walk another night,
His life was dedicated to the greater good
And all his heart had ever known was light
“I’m not a saint, and yet I try
I’ve always listened to my inner voice,
So many questions, I shall never pry
I can’t deny I’ve had a choice
I shall distinguish between good and bad
And people’s virtues as well as sins,
But it’s so hard when you’re considered mad
Your words mean nothing, then it all begins.”
His gory hands so gently touched
The darkness of the burning ground,
Where flowers, animals and such
Would once exist and were unbound
His lonely spirit, mollifying
People’s anger all the time,
Could no longer qualify
So worn out, not worth a dime
The man looked grimly pale
His shabby fingers - crimson red,
“There’s no salvation down in hell
I must resist and smile instead.”
He looked above and there it was-
Ursa Major in the clear sky,
“How I wish I could fall in love
I would break down and simply cry.”
Interrupted by a flock of cranes
His gaze arrested by the deep blue sea,
His conscious pride, defined by chains
“The omen’s coming, and it shall deceive.”
Some apprehensions down the hill
Irreversibly corrupted in a cloud of vice,
“So ignominious are they to kill
To seek their vengeance at that higher price.”
He was not a wizard but a man
Who cast his spells without pain,
His skills chased blizzards all away
His smile was able to prevent the bane
“I shall certainly come back again
I know I should, or should I leave?
Or otherwise they’ll die in vain,
So many people, can’t watch their grief.”
And so unfolded were his wings
And they were shining in the morning blaze,
His feet ascended in the clear expanse
His smile was peaceful, all in grace
His deed was not accomplished yet
He was only coming from a sacred land,
Although infinity was the time he had
He knew that evil would well expand
The chariot was waiting still
With seven horses made of fire,
“Sent down from heaven, and so I will
I shall fulfill that great desire.”
His starry cloak was no more seen
His old frayed book was put aside,
“I hope they all shall keep it clean”
The sun then took him in its stride.
ok, a quick look, if i can manage a quick one! I don’t know if you planned them, but I like two alliterations I see in: “Softly clad in a cloak of stars, A man was roaming on his own Holding a book, thick with scars His face was hidden beneath a hood” …………yeah, I like rhymes as well. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - “So many questions, I shall never pry” …………….. pry into what, I wonder? I’m thinking jesus, but, let’see, who else could it be? “Would once exist and were unbound” ………were or where? without much punctuation (specifically: periods to end most sentences) , I can not be sure of where a sentence ends. I had to look up bane: “Dictionary 1bane noun \ˈbānDefinition of BANE 1 a obsolete: killer, slayer b: poison c: death, destruction [stop the way of those that seek my bane — Philip Sidney] d: woe 2 : a source of harm or ruin: curse [national frontiers have been more of a bane than a boon for mankind — D. C. Thomson] “ my bible knowledge is dated and incomplete. I had to do a search to try to figure out who was ascending in a chariot, though it sounded familiar. maybe you are not talking about the same guy. I still think ‘Jesus” fits, in an unfamiliar way to me. “2 Kin.2: 11 And it came to pass, as they still went on, and talked, that, behold, there appeared a chariot of fire, and horses of fire, and parted them both asunder; and Elijah went up by a WHIRLWIND into heaven.” I appreciate all the nice rhymes. it is the story I’m not sure of. thanks for sharing. bri :) among the lines I enjoyed (most) : “He looked above and there it was- Ursa Major in the clear sky, “How I wish I could fall in love I would break down and simply cry.” - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - “ “I hope they all shall keep it clean” “ …………… well, if the wish was for men (and women) to keep the Earth clean, he might be disappointed. : ( [maybe] God needs to limit population growth of the human race, but I think She/He could do it without war, disease, and others acts of suffering. heaven needs to brainstorm the subject! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Thank you! Feedback appreciated, as always. Well, I wrote the poem without thinking if it was religiosly correct or not. It was just a picture I saw in my head which needed to come out. Most people think it is not about Jesus but someone else like an angel or a prohet, perhaps. It may be Elijah or Moses, or a totally different person, I don't know :) Mmm...pry ino people's lives, maybe? I wasn't really thinking, to be honest Ummm...it should be were...doesn't it sound ok? I believe the line “I hope they all shall keep it clean” refers to the soul but each reader has their own explanation. The Earth, of course is one of them and I do agree with your statement!
i felt like reading a story, really nice..... Keep up the good work
A long poem, but once I started reading I could not stop. Very well written and intriguing. Congrats
Heartiest Congratulations on the poem of the Day as also for composing such a lovely poem that is a pleasure to read.
I was thinking in terms of St John and Revelations. There is an Apocalyptic feel to the poem. I love the way you have created the mysterious opening with the tramp like figure. The descriptive passages in the first half are most pleasing, Is he an observer planning future action to provide redemption. It is full of interesting detail and very thoughtful. It gets poem of the day on merit. Well done Gergana. Tom Billsborough
His life was dedicated to the greater good And all his heart had ever known was light I’ve always listened to my inner voice, The chariot was waiting still With seven horses made of fire, “Sent down from heaven, and so I will I shall fulfill that great desire.” After reading carefully i thought of Prophet Ezekiel, Moses, Elijah, and naturally Jesus although the thought of Jesus does not confirm here fully. But you wrote the word Redemption. Redemption of humanity is always conncected to Jesus and the final thought of keeping clean that is also a part of the redemptive act of Jesus on the Cross.. i may be wrong b ut that is the way i humbly interpret your poem. than k you very nice. i am giving a 10.
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.
I would like to translate this poem
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4/29/2024 1:27:23 PM # 1.0.0.1119
very good poem, with descriptive elegance. Well done!