Poem 002: Away, Distress! Poem by Samer Madbak
Poem 002: Away, Distress!
When lances of loneliness stab me so deep,
As daystar declines, and the Globe falls asleep,
When uncontrolled sadness reigns over my realms,
A feeling of sore in my heart overwhelms.
When love seems a daydream, when order is mess
When joy is a phantom, and comfort distress
When hope is exhausted, life cumbered with care
I yield to affliction and slump in despair.
But then I’d imagine my friend Josephene
The gleam in her eyes and their charm so serene
My anguish retreats, and sweet raptures obtain
And feel exaltation subduing my pain!
Blaouza
September 12th 1986
'But then I'd imagine' ....I feel like using 'I'll', but I guess 'I'd' is ok. ;) 'raptures obtain' ....I'd like 'raptures I obtain'. AND 'And feel': I'd use 'And I feel'. Thanks for sharing an 'old' poem.
stanza 1: I like your alluring alliterations! Line 7: I've never heard 'cumbered': 'a: to hinder or encumber by being in the way b: to clutter up, BUT I've heard 'encumbered'.
stanza 1: 'A feeling of sore in my heart overwhelms.' I'd use 'A feeling sore in...' or 'A sore feeling in'. But for a teenager, esp. one who MIGHT usually use another language, you did well. ;)
A lovely romantic piece of poetry, well articulated, nicely encapsulated and penned in poetic diction with beautiful rhyme scheme. I like the way you started with the feeling of loneliness and how suddenly, thoughts of Josephene moves in and clears the cloud with pure bliss.
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.
I would like to translate this poem
Delivering Poems Around The World
Poems are the property of their respective owners. All information has been reproduced here for educational and informational purposes to benefit site visitors, and is provided at no charge...
4/26/2024 6:00:11 AM # 1.0.0.1119
Nice job, 'kid'! I give ***** five stars. ;) bri