Olympic Wood Poem by Alan Bruce Thompson

Imagine an Olympic Games where the purpose is to lose,
To be last or second last is your possibility to choose.

Remember that “the last shall be first and the first shall be last”,
So the ambitious will be penalised if they run very fast.

We encourage running backwards and holding the javelin in the air,
We reward the pacemakers for stopping and giving aid and care.

We regard gentlemanly activities, and honour ladies too,
And without steroids and doping scandals, first will be very few.

Civilised behaviour wins all, and the winner wins wood,
The uncivilised ambitious firsts receive metal as they should.

Instead of gold, silver and bronze, we have olive, oak and pine
Winners of two wooden olives certainly must resign.

So for the anti-ambitious we have the Anti-olympic game
Where the losers are rewarded, and their shame becomes fame.