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Iris Mista

Rookie (Bolsward)

Never Ending Story


If I could catch what hurts
what runs so immensely deep
then what would it be
in only a few words

I got caught by this mental disease
forced on me by them
never grew to be me
for others do as they please

I've been used and been hit
sexually abused
torn apart emotionally
thrown forever in the pit

It is what never will be
and what never has been
it is living every day
mourning the loss of me

I wish I could bring some glory
a message of purity and hope
for that bright horizon
but I simply have no better story

What is the use of such a life
is all that I wonder
it never can be undone
no matter how hard I strive

I know I am not to blame
still it is all I ever do
I should not be heard or seen
but hide away in bloody shame

Not able to believe any excuse
kindness and love never are real
for all I do and am is wrong
self blame, and on goes the abuse

So again:

What is the use of such a life
is all that I wonder
it never can be undone
no matter how hard I strive

July 5,2013

Submitted: Monday, April 07, 2014
Edited: Monday, April 07, 2014

Topic of this poem: Depression


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Poet's Notes about The Poem

Complex PTSD

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