IF (I Only Had One Leg)
If I only had one leg, I'd give up work and start to beg,
I'd find myself a comfy spot, not too cold, and not too hot.
I'd dress in old and shabby clothes and strike a world-worn weary pose,
I'd play on peoples sympathy, to give their hard-earned cash to me.
Then I'd spend it in the Pub on endless beer and Gastro-Grub.
If I only had one eye, I'd see my way to getting by,
I'd buy a leather patch, I think, and use the other eye to blink.
I wouldn't have as good a view, with only one instead of two,
This doesn't mean I couldn't cope, especially with a Telescope.
I'd get myself a job at Sea, and keep an eye out constantly.
If I only had one ear, it wouldn't mean I couldn't hear,
It might be awkward to wear glasses, or to sit at backs of classes.
Though benefits might just accrue, from having one instead of two,
With only one to wash behind, and only half the wax to find.
And I could make a new career, of offering 'to lend an ear'
If I only had one hand, I'm sure that you would understand,
I'd find it hard to tie a knot, or play the Flute an awful lot,
And I suppose I would refrain, from taking up the Drums again.
But there'd be lots that I could do, with just one hand instead of two.
With Hi-Viz vest and Lollipop, I could force you all to stop!
But laying here in reverie, will make me late for work I see,
So I'll get up and take a shower and hit my desk within the hour.
I'll 'jump-to-it' when called upon, as if I'm an automaton,
I'll listen when I'm spoken to, and do what I am told to do.
But I can always dream again....What if I fell under a train....
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