When I was a kid and skinned my knees
They said 'Man up son! '
When I was a grown boy and had to give up
My toys,
They said 'Man up son! '
When I was in my teens,
Shy, reluctant, weak, dark skinned with pimples,
didn't speak much, didn't speak less,
They said 'Man up son! '
When I cried, I wasn't a man,
When I cared too much, showed affection, I was weak,
When I didn't give a damn I was too reckless.
And then I fell in love,
One day she came,
the other day she went
'Take it like a man', even she said.
And I cried in the dark room,
Soft tears upon the warm pillow,
Memories, regrets, wishes and a façade,
........................................................................
........................................................................
.........................................................................
.........................................................................
Yes,
I am a man...
I misunderstood her.
When she came back and asked for
my friendship,
I misunderstood her,
When she wanted someone to speak with,
When she wanted someone to stand by her,
When all she wanted was someone to
listen to her,
Someone to feel her pain.
I did misunderstand her.
And Yes,
I am a man,
One who receives phone calls at two
in the night,
One, who speaks softly and assures
and reassures.
One, who holds back his tears when
his heart breaks down in a nuclear
fusion with every nanosecond
making the heat unbearable,
The destruction inevitable...
Yes, I am that man,
holding back tears from my eyes
so long that they dry up like
a desert deserted by even the eagles
and the cactus,
Yes, I am that man,
Vain, irresponsible, chainsmoking
alcoholic bastard
I am that man,
broken, torn, reduced to dust
and sand,
I am the foul-mouthed, filthy, stinky
impotent,
I am the dæmon,
I am the fiend,
I am the crossbread between an imp
and the imposter,
Emotions camouflaged,
Two-faced rascal...
But I am not the man who can
feel nothing,
no, no..
I am not that man who never feels
pain 'cause he's too strong,
No...
..........................................
I'm not that man,
Neither will I ever be
That's a very powerful write. Manliness is often associated with being heartless. Men are not supposed to show their feelings, they are not supposed to cry as if it would somehow demean them. An emotional man gets the title of sissy n he's thought girlish. You have beautifully captured the dilemma of a man caught between social expectations and his true inner self.
Yes, you are a normal human being who feels pain, who is sensitive, irritable and can get upset fast! Unfortunately men are trained from a young age to conceal and camouflage their real feelings. This wrong message they receive from the very early stages of life make them remain passive even when their heart break! I can very well understand the depth of your pain when you wet your pillow in the dark with tears, unseen! Suppressed pain can grow into a kind of neurosis! That way women are better off! Through tears, they can purge the pent up feelings of distress in their hearts. A moving write Souren!
Hi Souren, I've been reading your very thought provoking poetry. I admire your ability to open up and write very honestly about very difficult topics. In this poem, “ I’m The Man, ” you write about how boys grow up to be men who lose touch with their emotions and feelings. First there is the “man up, ” when they skin a knee…they get shut down when they experience physical pain, then is the time of adolescence, they are told to man up again, as they go through major body and hormone changes (alone without explanation and discussion) , and then finally, there is the time when the boy/man first falls in love and then out of love….he has allot of feelings and is again told to sublimate them and hold them in…to once again “man up.” As a mother to three boys, It was so sad for me to see this ‘boy’ suffer quietly in the dark….the line, “memories, regrets, wishes, and a façade, ” was powerful for me. Then, you transition to the conflicted man who vacillates between trying to be ‘tough’ yet not succeeding. This conflict seems to create further anger, frustration, and pain. Yet, in spite of all of this, the poem ends on a positive hopeful note, “I am not that man who never feels/pain ‘cause he’s too strong, /No…/I’m not that man, Neither will I ever be.” This is a powerful testament of the individual strength of a man who is man enough to NOT let go of his humanity, even when humanity has failed him. Nice Write.
Thank you Pam for your aprreciation.. I believe that both men and women are often forced to keep a 'façade' (most importantly) of essentialist, stereotypical gender values, which eventually hurts both the genders, but women more directly perhaps as they face more discriminations and atrocities in the society, be it anywhere in the world. And one of the reasons for it, in my personal opinion, is that men are asked to 'man up' all the times, alongside women asked to be 'feminine' - - these enforced stereotypes hurt both sexes.. From a man's point of view, I have tried to explain, the point in which men actual try to become filled with 'hypermasculinity'.. The poem is a challange to that 'alpha/beta' male stereotypes...
I am not that man who never feels pain 'cause he's too strong, I'm not that man, Neither will I ever be just a normal Human Beings.. like most of H.Bs. are.. - there are also those dry /hardhearted men (even women) who don't feel pain inside.. but a 'normal' H.B. simply doesn't wish to become such.. A good write, Souren
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.
I would like to translate this poem
Very nice. You are a normal man just like me and many others. Keep writing about your feelings. This is very powerful.