I Keep Her Ghost Near Poem by Leah Ayliffe

I would lie on the ground in the hallway
Just before my front door, where light could shine through
But it didn’t
Because I would lay on the floor in the silent night
Starring up the great stairs, the railing wrapping around that area where we used to play
My mind races back to the beginning, the ghosts are near
And dear
Sometimes I watch, confused, thinking they are strangers
Yet the thrill in their laughter brightens the past
I remember, I remember
If remembering counts as knowing what was
What has been, or ever is real.
It is real in this moment, I don’t care what you say
I say it and so it is.

The ghosts trace my mind, echoing a heart ache so fine.
His face I see in a flash
The broken glass so beautiful
The psychedelic colours move through the light
The spark of stars, or the sunshine beams of dawn
I am haunted
I was always haunted.
Once of what would, could, would not be
And I grew, maybe like a child, I grew ancient
Haunted by what was or could have been if only..
And this beautiful ghost who smiles like an angel would
Is alone in her mind
I want to let her know, be happy my darling
Do not wander too deep in that pretty little head
I want to let her know it’s not so scary
Death is a blessing and a friend
A beautiful truth shining in darkness,
please let yourself fall in love with it.

lightening strikes, I am on the ground
I nod farewell
It’s time to fall asleep with memory
I don’t mind, I don’t mind
God can haunt my soul if his face is my face
His hands my hands that reach for her, unknowing little fool
Take her on a holiday from there,
because I cannot bear knowing
she is trapped in that confused state of mind.
And I'm here, free
I stopped looking for the answers.