Fatigue Poem by Zipporah Mulisch

Restless hands and heavy eyes
define my posture and worry my mother
I beg for sleep to numb the pain
the pain of nothing, the invisible bruise //
I breathe, and I am crippled
I speak and gasp for mercy
but you shove knives down my throat
I gulp, I gulp, I gulp
they sink into my lungs;
I breathe, I breathe, I breathe
they come back out my mouth //
Wherever my eyes may wander
wherever my fingers cling
nothing to grab, no one to hold on to
I am fine, and I am happy
but I’m choking and can’t prove it
I’m crying, convinced its joy //
In love and desperate for eternity
if you leave I’ll walk the earth
with tired bones and heartbeats
knocking on my chest, pleading to be fed
I’ll starve my heart to death
I’ll never love again