Epigrams 6 Poem by Michael Burch

These are humorous epigrams: puns, wordplay, quips, zingers, japes, jests, gags, giggles, one-liners, irony, etc.



State of the Art
by Michael R. Burch

A poet may work from sun to sun,
but his editor's work is never done.

The editor's work is never done.
The critic adjusts his cummerbund.

While the critic adjusts his cummerbund,
the audience exits to mingle and slum.

As the audience exits to mingle and slum,
the anthologist rules, a pale jury of one.



Incompatibles
by Michael R. Burch

Reason's
treason!
cries the Heart.

Love's
insane,
replies the Brain.



Grave Oversight
by Michael R. Burch

The dead are always with us,
and yet they are naught!



Mate Check
by Michael R. Burch

Love is an ache hearts willingly secure
then break the bank to cure.



Imperfect Perfection
by Michael R. Burch

You're too perfect for words—
a problem for a poet.



Prose Epigrams

Truths are more likely discovered by one man than by nations.
—Rene Descartes, translation by Michael R. Burch

The most dangerous words ever uttered by human lips are 'Thus saith the LORD.' — Michael R. Burch

Experience is the best teacher but a hard taskmaster.—Michael R. Burch

Time will tell, as it always does in the end.—Michael R. Burch

One man's coronation is another man's consternation.—Michael R. Burch

The Golden Rule is much easier to recite than observe. — Michael R. Burch

The Golden Rule is much easier to recite for others' benefit than to observe oneself. — Michael R. Burch

The editors of Poetry know no more about poetry than I do about basket-weaving, except that I know a good basket when I have it in my hands.—Michael R. Burch



Dawn
by Michael R. Burch

for Beth, Laura and all good mothers

Bring your particular strength
to the strange nightmarish fray:
wrap up your cherished ones
in the golden light of day.



Childless
by Michael R. Burch

How can she bear her grief?
Mightier than Atlas, she shoulders the weight
Of one fallen star.



Ironic Vacation
by Michael R. Burch

Salzburg.
Seeing Mozart's baby grand piano.
Standing in the presence of sheer incalculable genius.
Grabbing my childish pen to write a poem
& challenge the Immortals.
Next stop, the catacombs!



A question that sometimes drives me hazy:
am I or are the others crazy?
—Albert Einstein, poetic interpretation by Michael R. Burch



'Lu Zhai' ('Deer Park')
by Wang Wei (699-759)
loose translation/interpretation by Michael R. Burch

Uninhabited hills...
except that now and again the silence is broken
by something like the sound of distant voices
as the sun's sinking rays illuminate lichens...



Untitled

I sampled honeysuckle
and it made my taste buds buckle.



My objective is not to side with the majority, but to escape the ranks of the insane.—Marcus Aurelius, translation by Michael R. Burch






EPIGRAM TRANSLATIONS BY MICHAEL R. BURCH

Speechless at Auschwitz
by Ko Un
loose translation/interpretation by Michael R. Burch

At Auschwitz
piles of glasses
mountains of shoes...
returning, we stared out different windows.

Ko Un speaks for all of us, by not knowing what to say about the evidence of the Holocaust, and man's inhumanity to man.

Ko Un was speechless at Auschwitz.
Someday, when it's too late,
will we be speechless at Gaza?
—Michael R. Burch



Booksellers laud authors for novel editions
as pimps praise their whores for exotic positions.
—Thomas Campion, loose translation/interpretation by Michael R. Burch

A question that sometimes drives me hazy:
am I or are the others crazy?
—Albert Einstein, loose translation/interpretation by Michael R. Burch

Elevate your words, not their volume. Rain grows flowers, not thunder.—Rumi, loose translation/interpretation by Michael R. Burch

Why should I brood when every petal of my being is blossoming? —Rumi, loose translation/interpretation by Michael R. Burch

What you seek also pursues you.—Rumi, loose translation by Michael R. Burch

This is love: to fly toward a mysterious sky,
to cause ten thousand veils to fall.
First, to stop clinging to life,
then to step out, without feet...
—Rumi, loose translation/interpretation by Michael R. Burch

Love renders reason senseless.
—Rumi, loose translation/interpretation by Michael R. Burch

I test the tightrope
balancing a child
in each arm.
—Vera Pavlova, loose translation/interpretation by Michael R. Burch

Let me live with joy today, since tomorrow is unforeseeable.
—Palladas of Alexandria, loose translation/interpretation by Michael R. Burch

To live without philosophizing is to close one's eyes and never attempt to open them. - Rene Descartes, loose translation by Michael R. Burch

Religion is the opiate of the people.—Karl Marx
Religion is the dopiate of the sheeple.—Michael R. Burch

How happy the soul who speeds back to the Source,
but crowned with peace is the one who never came.
—a Sophoclean passage from the Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam, loose translation/interpretation by Michael R. Burch

Improve yourself by others' writings, attaining freely what they purchased at the expense of experience. — Socrates, loose translation/interpretation by Michael R. Burch

Improve yourself by others' writings, attaining freely what they purchased at great expense.
—Socrates, translation by Michael R. Burch



EPIGRAMS BY MICHAEL R. BURCH



Brief Fling
by Michael R. Burch

'Epigram'
means cram,
then scram!

Published by Brief Poems, Poem Today and The HyperTexts



Brief Fling II
by Michael R. Burch

To write an epigram,
cram.
If you lack wit, scram!

Published by Brief Poems, Ethnu Couplet and The HyperTexts



Brief Fling III
by Michael R. Burch

No one gives a damn about my epigram?
And yet they'll spend billions on Boy George and Wham!
Do they have any idea just how hard I cram?



Nod to the Master
by Michael R. Burch

for the Divine Oscar Wilde

If every witty thing that's said were true,
Oscar Wilde, the world would worship You!



Stage Fright
by Michael R. Burch

To be or not to be?
In the end Hamlet
opted for naught.



Erotic Errata
by Michael R. Burch

I didn't mean to love you; if I did,
it came unbid-
en, and should've remained hid-
den!



Dry Hump
by Michael R. Burch

You came to me as rain breaks on the desert
when every flower springs to life at once.
But joys are wan illusions to the expert:
the Bedouin has learned how not to want.



Love is either wholly folly,
or fully holy.
—Michael R. Burch



Intimations
by Michael R. Burch

Let mercy surround us
with a sweet persistence.

Let love propound to us
that life is infinitely more than existence.



Less Heroic Couplets: Marketing 101
by Michael R. Burch

Building her brand, she disrobes,
naked, except for her earlobes.



Less Heroic Couplets: Shell Game
by Michael R. Burch

I saw a turtle squirtle!
Before you ask, 'How fertile? '
The squirt came from its mouth.
Why do your thoughts fly south?



The best tonic for other people's bad ideas is to think for oneself.—Michael R. Burch

I will never grok picking a picky rule over a Poem! —Michael R. Burch

Experience is the best teacher but a hard taskmaster.—Michael R. Burch

Wayne Gretzky was pure skill poured into skates.—Michael R. Burch

Neither the leaf nor the tree laments karma.—Michael R. Burch



Less Heroic Couplets: Gilded Silence
by Michael R. Burch

Golden silence reigned supreme
in my nightmare and her dream.



Villanelle of an Opportunist
by Michael R. Burch

I'm not looking for someone to save.
A gal has to do what a gal has to do:
I'm looking for a man with one foot in the grave.

How many highways to hell must I pave
with intentions imagined, not true?
I'm not looking for someone to save.

Fools praise compassion while weaklings rave,
but a gal has to do what a gal has to do.
I'm looking for a man with one foot in the grave.

Some praise the Lord but the Devil's my fave
because he has led me to you!
I'm not looking for someone to save.

In the land of the free and the home of the brave,
a gal has to do what a gal has to do.
I'm looking for a man with one foot in the grave.

Every day without meds becomes a close shave
and the razor keeps tempting me too.
I'm not looking for someone to save:
I'm looking for a man with one foot in the grave.



She is brighter than dawn
by Michael R. Burch

for Beth

There's a light about her
like the moon through a mist:
a bright incandescence
with which she is blessed

and my heart to her light
like the tide now is pulled...
she is fair, O, and bright
like the moon silver-veiled.

There's a fire within her
like the sun's leaping forth
to lap up the darkness
of night from earth's hearth

and my eyes to her flame
like twin moths now are drawn
till my heart is consumed.
She is brighter than dawn.



The Difference
by Michael R. Burch

The chimneysweeps
will weep
for Blake,
who wrote his poems
for their dear sake.

The critics clap,
polite, for you.
Another poem
for poets,
Whooo!



Crunch
by Michael R. Burch

for Trump

A cockroach could live nine months on the dried mucus you scrounge from your nose
then fling like seedplants to the slowly greening floor...

You claim to be the advanced life form, but, mon frere,
sometimes as you snatch encrusted kinks of hair from your Leviathan ass
and muse softly on zits, icebergs snap off the Antarctic.

You're an evolutionary quandary, in need of a sacral ganglion
to control your enlarged, contradictory hindquarters:
surely the brain should migrate closer to its primary source of information,
in order to ensure the survival of the species.

Cockroaches thrive on eyeboogers and feces;
their exoskeletons expand and gleam like burnished armor in the presence of uranium.
But your cranium
is not nearly so adaptable.

'Crunch' is a poem about evolution and survival of the fittest which questions where human beings really are the planet earth's most advanced life forms. Keywords/Tags: evolution, global warming, insects, cockroaches, advance life form, survival of the fittest, adaptability



Teddy Roosevelt spoke softly and carried a big stick; Donald Trump speaks loudly and carries a big shtick.—Michael R. Burch



Viral Donald (I)
by Michael R. Burch aka 'The Loyal Opposition'

Donald Trump is coronaviral:
his brain's in a downward spiral.
His pale nimbus of hair
proves there's nothing up there
but an empty skull, fluff and denial.



Viral Donald (II)
by Michael R. Burch aka 'The Loyal Opposition'

Why didn't Herr Trump, the POTUS,
protect us from the Coronavirus?
That weird orange corona of hair's an alarm:
Trump is the Virus in Human Form!



Limerick-Ode to a Much-Eaten Ass
by Michael R. Burch

There wonst wus a president, Trump,
whose greatest ass (et) wus his rump.
It was padded 'n' shiny,
that great orange hiney,
but to drain it we'd need a sump pump!



The Less-Than-Divine Results of My Prayers to be Saved from Televangelists
by Michael R. Burch

I'm old,
no longer bold,
just cold,
and (truth be told) ,
been bought and sold,
rolled
by the wolves and the lambs in the fold.

Who's to be told
by this worn-out scold?
The complaint department is always on hold.



Poets laud Justice's
high principles.
Trump just gropes
her raw genitals.
—Michael R. Burch



Teeter Tots
by Michael R. Burch

For your spuds to become Tater Tots,
first, artfully cut out the knots,
then dice them to cubes
deep-fried, served to rubes,
(but not if they're acting like snots) .



Clodhoppers
by Michael R. Burch

If you trust the Christian 'god'
you're—like Adumb—a clod.



beMused
by Michael R. Burch

Perhaps at three
you'll come to tea,
to have a cuppa here?

You'll just stop in
to sip dry gin?
I only have a beer.

To name the 'greats':
Pope, Dryden, mates?
The whole world knows their names.

Discuss the 'songs'
of Emerson?
But these are children's games.

Give me rhythms
wild as Dylan's!
Give me Bobbie Burns!

Give me Psalms,
or Hopkins' poems,
Hart Crane's, if he returns!

Or Langston railing!
Blake assailing!
Few others I desire.

Or go away,
yes, leave today:
your tepid poets tire.



The Song of Amergin I
loose translation/interpretation by Michael R. Burch

I am the sea breeze
I am the ocean wave
I am the surf's thunder
I am the stag of the seven tines
I am the cliff hawk
I am the sunlit dewdrop
I am the fairest flower
I am the rampaging boar
I am the swift-swimming salmon
I am the placid lake
I am the excellence of art
I am the vale echoing voices
I am the battle-hardened spearhead
I am the God who gave you fire
Who knows the secrets of the unhewn dolmen
Who understands the cycles of the moon
Who knows where the sunset settles...



Impotent
by Michael R. Burch

Tonight my pen
is barren
of passion, spent of poetry.

I hear your name
upon the rain
and yet it cannot comfort me.

I feel the pain
of dreams that wane,
of poems that falter, losing force.

I write again
words without end,
but I cannot control their course...

Tonight my pen
is sullen
and wants no more of poetry.

I hear your voice
as if a choice,
but how can I respond, or flee?

I feel a flame
I cannot name
that sends me searching for a word,

but there is none
not over-done,
unless it's one I never heard.

I believe this poem was written in my late teens or early twenties.



Mercedes Benz
by Michael R. Burch

I'd like to do a song of great social and political import. It goes like this:

Oh Donnie, won't you lend me your Mercedes Benz?
My friends screw in Porsches, I must make amends!
Like you, I f-cked my partners and now have no friends.
So, Donnie won't you sell me your Mercedes Benz?

Oh Donnie, won't you rent me your sexy import?
You need to pay your lawyers: a tart for a tort!
I'll await her delivery each day until three.
And Donnie, please throw in Ivanka for free!

Oh, Donnie won't you buy me a night on the town?
I'm counting on you, Don, so don't let me down!
Oh, prove you're a playboy and bring them around.
Oh, Donnie won't you buy me a night on the town?

Oh Donnie, won't you lend me your Mercedes Benz?
My friends screw in Porsches, I must make amends!
Like you, I f-cked my partners and now have no friends.
So, Donnie won't you sell me your Mercedes Benz?


Ode to a Pismire
by Michael R. Burch

Drumpf is a sissy:
his hair's in a Fritz.
Drumpf is a missy:
he won't drink Schlitz.
Drumpf's cobra-hissy
though he lives in the Ritz.
Drumpf is so pissy
his diaper's the Shitz.



The Ballade of Large Marge Greene
by Michael R. Burch

Marge
is large
and in charge,
like a barge.

Yes, our Marge
is quite large,
like a hefty surcharge.

Like a sarge,
say LaFarge,
apt to over-enlarge
creating dissent before the final discharge.


Trump Limericks aka Slimericks

The Nazis now think things're grand.
The KKK's hirin' a band.
Putin's computin'
Less Ukrainian shootin'.
They're hootin' 'cause Trump's win is planned.
—Michael R. Burch

Trump comes with a few grotesque catches:
He likes to grope unoffered snatches;
He loves to ICE kids;
His brain's on the skids;
And then there's the coups the fiend hatches.
—Michael R. Burch



Trump's Saddest Tweet to Date
by Michael R. Burch

I've gotten all out of kilter.
My erstwhile yuge tool is a wilter!
I now sleep in bed.
Few hairs on my head.
Inhibitions? I now have no filter!



the best of all possible whirls, for MAGA
by Michael R. Burch

ive made a mistake or two.
okay, maybe quite *more* than a few:
mistakes by the millions,
the billions and zillions,
but remember: ur LORD made u!

where were u when HEE passed out brains?
or did u politely abstain?
u call GAUD "infallible"
when HEE made u so gullible
u cant come inside when Trump reigns.



My Sin-cere Endorsement of a Trump Cultist
by Michael R. Burch

If you choose to be an idiot, who can prevent you?
If you love to do evil, why then, by all means,
go serve the con who sent you!



Bird's Eye View
Michael R. Burch

So many fantasical inventions,
but what are man's intentions?
I don't trust their scooty cars.
And what about their plans for Mars?

Their landfills' high retentions?
The dodos they fail to mention?
I don't trust Trump's "clean coal" cars,
and what the hell are his plans for Mars?



Untitled

Don't disturb him in his inner sanctum
Or he'll have another Trumper Tantrum.
—Michael R. Burch

It turns out the term was prophetic, since 'conservatives' now serve a con. — Michael R. Burch

To live among you — ah! — as among vipers, coldblooded creatures not knowing right from wrong, adoring Trump, hissing and spitting venom.

Trump rhymes with chump
grump
frump
lifelong slump
illogical jump
garbage dump
sewage clump
sump pump
dry hump
cancerous lump
malignant bump
unpleasingly plump
slovenly schlump
yuge enormous diaper-clad rump
and someone we voters are going to thump and whump
—Michael R. Burch



Putin's Lootin's
by Michael R. Burch

They're dropping like flies:
Putin's "allies."

Ah, but who gets their funny
money?

Two birds with one stone:
no dissent, buy a drone.

For tyrants the darkest day's sunny!



Preempted
by Michael R. Burch

Friends, I admit that I'm often tempted
to say what I think about Trump,
but all such thought's been preempted
by the sight of that Yuge Orange Rump!



Mate Check
by Michael R. Burch

*The editorial board of the Washington Post is "very worried that American women don't want to marry Trump supporters."*

Supporting Trump puts a crimp in dating
(not to mention mating) .

So, horny dudes, if you'd like to bed
intelligent gals, and possibly wed,

it's time to jettison that red MAGA cap
and tweet "farewell" to an orange sap.



Squid on the Skids
by Michael R. Burch

Sidney Powell howled in 2020:
"The Kraken will roar through the land of plenty! "

But she recalled the Terror in 2023
with a slippery, slimy, squid-like plea.



The Kraken Cracked
by Michael R. Burch

She's singing like a canary.
Who says krakens are scary?

Squidney said the election was hacked,
but when all her lies were unpacked,
the crackpot kraken cracked.

Now, with a shrill, high-pitched squeal,
The kraken has cut a deal.

Oh, tell it with jubilation:
the kraken is on probation!



Trump's Retribution Resolution
by Michael R. Burch

My New Year's resolution?
I require your money and votes,
for *you* are *my* retribution.

May I offer you dark-skinned scapegoats
and bigger and deeper moats
as part of my sweet resolution?

Please consider a YUGE contribution,
a mountain of lovely C-notes,
for *you* are *my* retribution.

Revenge is our only solution,
since my critics are weasels and stoats.
Come, second my sweet resolution!

The New Year's no time for dilution
of the anger of victimized GOATs,
when *you* are *my* retribution.

Forget the damned Constitution!
To dictators "ideals" are footnotes.
My New Year's resolution?
*You* are *my* retribution.



Two Trump Truisms
by Michael R. Burch
When Trump's the culprit everyone's a "snitch."
It ain't a "witch hunt" when the perp's a witch.



Horrid Porridge
by Michael R. Burch

*My apologies to porridge for this unfortunate association with an unwholesome human being.*

Why is Trump orange,
like porridge
(though not some we're likely to forage) ?
The gods of yore
knew long before
Trump was born, to a life of deplorage,
that his face must conform
to the uniform
he'd wear for his prison decorage!


Dictionary Definition of Trump
by Michael R. Burch

Trump is a chump;
he's the freep of a frump;
he's an orange-skinned Grinch and, much worse, he's a Grump! ;
he's a creep; he's a Sheik (sans harem) ; a skunk! ;
"Kill the veep! " he's a murderous coup d'tot-er in a slump;
"Drain the swamps, then refill them with my crocodilian donors! ";
Trump is a rapist with insufficient boners;
Trump is, as he predicted, a constitutional crisis;
Trump is our non-so-sweet American vanilla ISIS;
Trump is a thief who will bring the world to grief;
Trump is a whiner and our Pleader-in-Chief.



Triple Trump
by Michael R. Burch

No one ever trumped a Trump like Trump.
He turned Mar-a-Lago into a dump
and spewed filth at the stump
like a sump pump
while looking like a moulting Orange Hefalump!
Trump made the Grinch seem like just another Grump
by giving darker Whos a "get lost" lump.
No colored child was spared from his Neanderthalic thump.
Trump gave fascists a fist-bump,
consulted Nazi servers for an info-dump
and invited Russian agents for a late-night hump.
Don the Con con-sidered laws a speed bump,
fired anyone who ever tried to be an ump,
and gave every evil known to man a quantum jump.
You may think he's just plump
and a chump,
with the style of a frump,
the posture of a shlump,
his brain in a slump,
and perhaps too inclined for a porn-star hump,
while being deprived by his parents of a necessary whump...
but when it comes to political asses, Trump is the rump!

#TRUMP #DONTHECON #MRBTRUMP #MRBDONTHECON #MRBPOEMS

Keywords/Tags: epigram, epigrams, epitaph, epithet, giggle, humor, humour, humorous, political humor, ironic, irony, literature, word, word play, writing, short, brief, pun, puns, aphorism, adage, saw, proverb, saying, quote, quip, bon mot, wit, witticism, gem, sally, motto, pith, pithy, jape, jest, chestnut, adage, wit, horseplay, sage, poet, critic, criticism, writing

Published as the collection 'Epigrams 5'