Emotional Recovery Poem by Ace Of Black Hearts

I was sick.
But now I'm better.
Oh my dear friend I'm sorry for very last letter.
I was going through some tough times.
But you know that.
You were there when it hit me emotionally.
Falling on my knees trying so hard to accept it.
Screaming at the top of lungs at absolutely no one.
I was so twisted up inside.
And I broke your heart over something that no one could have prevented.
Not even me.
I'm as much at fault as you.
Even my sister too.
Though she'll never admit it.
You two use to be so close friends.
She split too.
But sooner then me.
I think she already knew.
She just wasn't sure who.
We use to party together for hours.
We use to talk as if we knew each other our whole lives.
It was never a question of trust.
I never blamed you.
I just needed to get away.
All these emotions bottled up.
I was grasping at straws for just the right words to say.
To somehow make it alright.
But I now know that can never be.
Even to this day.
I'm still left to wonder.
The pondering upon unholy poison.
As if I was the one who sipped it from chalice so greedily.
Now that are we are speaking again.
Let me say god how I missed you.
I missed you.
So deeply.
So desperately.
So honestly.
Let the ink be permanent for every one to see.
Even as depraved as it might seemed seven years ago.
I still love you as son loves her mother.
Maybe that's why I didn't understand the numbness I felt to what your kids did.
A disconnect.
Maybe that is why I didn't hate you when I felt I should have.
I didn't want any of this.
Force fed the blues.
Sometimes your really can't pick and choose.
When you get this I hope you can understand it better then others can.
Because I have difficulties expressing myself in such straight forward manner.
Only those closest know this.
The rest assume how I act is always the way I truly feel.
When I get so emotional that I'm gonna lose control, I distance from myself anyone I can truly hurt so I don't.

P.S.
I'm sorry you had to miss me at all.
I promise from this point on I'll come see you when I can.
This one I will keep to the very end.
No matter where we end up.
Even if you move back to Germany.
I would travel the globe to come and see you.