Confusion Poem by Alondra Gonzalez

this is more of a little part of a story of my life...not a happy one either...its a lil long



As a child I used to think that my family was perfect, not that I can remember much.when I turned two my mom left my dad because “he wouldn’t work “ I used to think my mother never lied, but now to this present day I have found out that I was wrong. The truth is that she did leave him, but it wasn’t for the reasons I was told.
One day my sister and I were talking and she decided to open up to me.
‘Mom didn’t tell you the truth about her and Mac”. She told me with serious eyes.
It was only five years ago when I found out the truth, but it’s still a shocker.my sister telling me that my mom cheated on my dad with his best friend hurt me! That was her reason for leaving him? Not because he wouldn’t work, but because she wasn’t in love with him, she never loved him! She only married him to get away from her family! As morally wrong that sounds … its true.
When my grandmother found out, she was upset, so she told my mother “I disown you as my daughter.you has brought disgrace to this family “. Apparently my mother didn’t care that much what grandmother thought because she still got the divorce and went with my dad’s best friend.
It took me years to finally accept the fact that my mother never loved my dad. Sadly, as I was recovering from this shock, my grandmother’s mind began to deteriorate. She became ill with Alzheimer’s.
I remember one day I went to go see her, and when I hugged her she didn’t know who I was. Her eyes seemed lost yet she still greeted me saying “hola mija”. I tried hard not to cry, because even though it’s not her fault and I know she remembers me deep in her heart, she still couldn’t say my name.
Now my grandmother is laying on her death bed and my mother married my dads best friend who has now became my stepfather, and a wonderful one at that even though at times I still miss my real dad.my grandmother not only has Alzheimer’s, she has had three near death experiences. I remember the first, when she had a heart failure.
“They talked to the doctor today; only half of her heart is working …she might not make it “my mother had said.
Her last experience was in thanksgiving of 2009. “I’m sorry to inform you but she wont make it past Sunday “ the doctors stated coolly and on that day we all were waiting for a call that would say “I’m sorry …but it never came, and she is still alive.
At times I feel like I resent my mom for doing what she did.for the fact that I could have been closer to my grandmother if she didn’t get the divorce.if she wouldn’t have, I would have known more specific facts about my grandmother.Also I would have a dad to call my own. In the end I don’t know whether I should hate my mom for it or let it go?