Compression Poem by Clayton Anderson

A place I feel I’m supposed to be,
A Life I feel I’m supposed to live,
My lungs fill with stagnant air,
The feeling of loss overwhelms me, …
My heart gives in repeatedly,
My soul let’s go of everything it knows,
My mind is muffled by a forced silence it doesn’t understand…
I want to be here,
I want to feel this feeling forever,
I want to believe this is reality…
Do I know reality anymore?
Am I able to distinguish fear from life?
Does reality ever even touch emotion?
My heart aches long after the words have been said,
Long after the conflict has subsided,
I want so badly to feel you near me,
I want so badly to feel the reality you bring into my world...
The doubt is overwhelming,
The fear is suffocating,
The thoughts are blinding…
Yet, there you lay…
Your soft skin and subtle curves enticing me to be closer to you,
To allow my mortal touch to overcome everything else,
I can’t deny the hold you have on my soul…
Then again, the fear sets in,
The complete and total compression inside my chest as my heart falls within itself…
I NEED you,
I WANT you,
I LOVE you…
Torn from within myself my mind and my heart battle endlessly,
Like the cold steel of a sword I sense your needs separating my very being…
I would give anything and everything of myself for you,
I would give my very soul for you,
I would give my life for you…
Right, wrong, indifference… nothing seems to win,
Nothing has a strong enough hold to be my guide…
I look above and outside myself for guidance,
But I feel nothing,
Again my fear, my thoughts, my feelings,
Taken over by the very things I look to for help I continue to suffocate within myself…
Am I really meant to be alone?
Am I really meant to have such an insignificant place in this world?
Do I really just exist?
Will I ever be allowed to actually live?